I talk about life, sometimes. Be it serious things, or me poking fun at events in my life.

  • Chary

    My dad tries to understand what the U.K is

    Hello British people and dad-blog enjoyers. I’ve got a blog that both of you can enjoy especially, today. As most of you probably know, your President prime minister thingy guy just announced that the UK is on lockdown. So, mildly bored and wanting to keep my dad informed, I decided to tell him. He had no idea what I was trying to say. Clarifying what exactly a UK is...was more trouble than I thought, though.

    Me: hey dad they shut down the UK
    Dad: I’m okay, are you okay?
    Me: no...like...the U. K. country?
    Dad: what’s a you Kay?
    Me: uh Britain?
    Dad: no clue?
    Me: England?
    Dad: where?
    Me: tea people? Tut tut Cheerio with the accent?
    Dad: never heard of it
    Me: Sherlock Holmes? The country we fought a war against?
    Dad: ...iraq?
    Me: ...Manchester United’s home country
    Dad: OHHH!

    So, I’ve learned, whenever I need to tell my dad what place on the map I mean, I’ll just get a list out of sports teams. Thanks, soccer. Er, football.
  • Chary

    my dad jumped out the window after my mom went crazy over coronavirus panic

    The last memoirs of the only remaining sane person in an insane family

    For about a month now, or a few weeks, or days—time has become meaningless in a vast vapid variety of virus fears—my mom has been certain that the coronavirus is coming to end all life on earth.

    No, really

    At some point, my mother became obsessed with tracking the progress of the coronavirus and how it’s impacting China, and how it could affect Americans. Namely me, her, and my dad. She bought masks, canned food items, and took on the mentality of someone preparing for the end of days. Nothing else could be the topic of discussion in the home. Wanna talk about sports? No, no, we’ll get derailed on how the NBA not cancelling every basketball game for the next 6 months will kill millions. Wanna talk about a new video game? It sure better not come from Asia, otherwise the amazon-shipped game box is goING TO INFECT US ALL QUICK THROW IT OUTSIDE NOW!!!

    For my birthday, I bought a little box of cute charmander plushies from Japan. I chose the snail shipping method, and it got delayed on top of things, turning a January delivery into a mid February delivery.

    I unfortunately, was not the one to answer the door when the package did arrive.

    My mom, however, did. And noticed the Japan air mail sticker, determining that this box was actual verified coronavirus material and was a ticking time bomb. After a lot of arguing to NOT throw my birthday present into the trash bin, she allowed it to “decontaminate” in the garage. For 29 days. A single day earlier and the box would definitely seriously release the virus into the air and kill me within a week. For reals.

    Every day since the first wind of coronavirus being a thing made it’s way into the news circuit, my mom won’t stop talking about it. Every day. Every moment. YouTube videos playing Chinese videos with translations and live coverage, news from every region in the world reporting on it.

    After a month it’s enough to drive you mad

    Eventually, she made my father quit his job, because him going to work could lead to him bringing the virus home. Even though we live in Houston where no virus outbreak has happened.

    So my dad played nice cuz he’s a good guy. He said he’d take a month off work to make my mom happy. So for about four days he stayed at home, sitting around, enjoying life. Except not. If my dad so much as sneezed for allergies or cleared his throat, he’d get a full on doctor quiz from my mom. “Oh no you’re sick. You’ve got it. Go in your room. Take your temperature. GO”

    Clearly normal living arrangements

    Of course my dad was not okay with constantly being hounded and listening to constant coronavirus on TV.

    Which lead to him breaking out of his own home.

    Today, he decided to go to work. To get out of the house, away from corona. Where the only corona he’d hear about would be the beer on tap in the bar.

    But my mom did NOT want him leaving and intermingling with people who might be sick. So like any sane person, she blocked the door and held onto his arm for dear life to prevent him from leaving. Dad eventually gave up on trying to get out...

    ...through the door at least. He told my mom that she won, he’d stay home. He just wanted to go lay down in his room. So he does.

    Until we hear the noises of someone punching out the screen that covers the bedroom window, only to watch my dad haul himself out the window and take off running down the street saying he’s finally free.

    I don’t know if he’s coming back. I don’t think I would. Not with the 24/7 panic induced mania my mom has over the coronavirus.

    Go, dad. Find your freedom. Be free.
    Minox, Redhorse, pandavova and 62 others like this.
  • Chary

    tiny details regarding myself, --may people get triggered???

    hi, i don't think we've met. my name is chary and i barely use this site. this is a blog of tiny details regarding myself, so like, you better agree or i'll ban u

    • i don't support anything, because things are heavy and i have terrible upper body strength
    • i think theft is okay but only when you pay for the item you're stealing
    • whites are better than darks, obviously, when it comes to chocolate
    • due to so much previous trauma in my life, i am overly emotionally attached to my cats
    • i believe that you are missing out on life if you do not have a wacky iranian father
    • if something doesn't have RGBs I am automatically 50% less interested in it
    • del taco is 50000% better than taco bell, and you can fight me in the parking lot of a taco cabana if you disagree
    • i take news very seriously and always try my best when it comes to reporting
    • i would kill a man for a bag of mangoes
  • Chary

    Another new decade blog: My many personal changes throughout the 2010s

    When 2009 clocked over to 2010, which feels oh so long ago, I was 13 years old. 8th grade was almost over, high school was just a few months away, and little me had no idea what the future held.

    To be honest, back then, I was pretty surprised that I would have a future. In October of 2009, I'd gotten sepsis, and was horribly sick. The doctor didn't diagnose it until way late into the game, and I was sick for two full months before I felt relatively "okay" again. There were a few points during that where things were dicey, but despite it, I pulled through. On New Year's, I was still at home, but had just gotten a doctor's note and the okay to go back to school after missing the end of October, and the entire months of November and December.

    Come that summer, months later when middle school ended...I was held back due to excessive absences. It was just another crappy event piled onto the whole thing, but was luckily overturned thanks to a combination of my high test scores and my parents angrily arguing with the school staff. At the time, I'd thought middle school was the worst thing in the world (horrible bullying, gender-segregated lunch breaks, rampant racism) and the concept of having to repeat a year of that would be the Actual Most Terrifying Thing On Earth (TM).

    Of course, things would get so much worse with high school, but I didn't know that back then.

    In the end, my high school years began with anxiety, stress, and fear, and ended with expulsion, for failing french with a 65. I'd made the mistake of choosing to go to a prestigious high school in my city, which treated students like they were in a bootcamp. Instead of having my peers bully me like in middle school, here, the teachers were my bullies; sneering, taunting, and being cruel to students was a common sight. Fail a test? You're actively berated by the teacher, in front of the entire class. It was a competitive environment, with high stakes, and high stress. We weren't allowed to have electives (they distracted us from our studies), and we had so much homework and AP books to study, that no one had time for after-school events. Part of the reason that I failed french was that I refused to give up the one thing that still made me happy back then: softball. I'd skip class, or even ignore the homework, just so I'd have time to breathe.

    One of the clearest memories I have of high school was someone on the top of the third floor of the school, when classes were changing. The sheer panic and insane pressure of the schoolwork had caused them to try to jump, because they couldn't deal with the shame of having failed one of their final exams. In the end, they were called back down from it, sobbing. They didn't come back to school.

    Any doors leading to an outdoor balcony/staircase were promptly locked for the rest of the year.

    By 2013, I was kicked out of high school, and no other magnet school would take me, as they were at capacity. My sham of a high school even refused to give me my final report card, so to this day, there are no official records of me having completed the 9th grade.

    Although things seemed like a low point, back then, that summer changed my life.

    During that summer, an outdoor cat had kittens, but passed away doing so. That left me with mewling kittens in my backyard, with no mother, and no chance at survival. My mom dragged me away, and took me to the store telling me that I should just forget about it; it was nature doing its thing. It wasn't our problem. We had just recently just lost our own beloved cat, and the wounds were too fresh. She didn't want any cats around. I was distressed, but I also didn't want to argue.

    However, during that time, guilt must have kicked in for her, because instead of distracting me with a toy store, my sniffling and crying caused her to turn the car around, and head for a pet store. We bought bottles, formula, beds; everything you could ever need when it came to raising a cat. Those kittens, still squirming in the dirt, crying for their mother, for food, for warmth, were still alive. I remember picking them up for the first time. One was white, and the other was tuxedo colored. Instantly, they captured my heart.

    Instead of feeling lost, or like a failure, or just feeling sorry for myself in general, I now had something to focus on. Every morning I'd wake up, pet the kittens, feed them, and clean them. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

    It was a turning point.

    Eventually, those two kittens could eat on their own. They grew up, and were the cutest things in the world. One named Mink, the other named Checkers; they were the most important things in my short life.

    That wasn't the only thing that happened in 2013, either. I'd started to use GBAtemp more often, watching the news, learning how to softmod consoles, and interacting with a lot of GBAtemp members. Most important of them being Chavosaur and Lunawofl, for reasons still unknown to me to this day, decided to invite me to their little Skype group, after a few hours of playing Animal Crossing New Leaf nonstop.

    I'd gone from never having friends, to possibly having people around to talk to on a regular basis. It helped me, in so many ways. To just have people around to talk to, to learn from, to understand. My minimal social skills managed to improve. I was still an embarrassing teenager, but the ability to talk to other individuals around my age and discuss things without fear of saying the wrong thing and being ostracized like in high school was so incredibly important to me. Awkward comments like other girls asking me if I liked any boys, and responding that I didn't really care about that stuff, or being judged for playing video games and reading books all day had once sealed my fate as an outcast in school, but were now irrelevant. I had supportive people who just wanted to chat about which Pokemon looked the coolest, or how many episodes of anime they'd binge-watched on Netflix that day.

    The self-confidence that my teachers had shredded apart was slowly coming back together.

    Those changes continued into 2014, where I tried to reach out to other people, to try to make more friends online. And that extended into the real world, where suddenly, I wasn't afraid of people randomly talking to me; I'd learned that not everyone that spoke to me wanted to be cruel and judgemental. Certainly, some people were still like that, but I'd still be able to hold a conversation without major fear, fear that had once been ingrained in me, due to those horrible school experiences.

    2015 was the year I graduated high school, just barely. I admittedly barely cared for school. I wasn't about to let myself be wrapped up again in the hamster wheel that had set me so far back. The American school system is broken. Alas, that is a conversation for another time. I freely skipped classes, only showed up when needed, and submitted chunks of missed work whenever I'd grace the class with my presence. It became a game. How many days could I get away with skipping? How little effort could I put in and still pass? Now that I wasn't in AP, and in a school that only took the high-risk students, the work was easy--it was almost insulting. For the first time since 5th grade, I got enjoyment out of school, but for all the entirely wrong reasons. The only time I ever enjoyed math was when I calculated how many 0's I could get on tests or homework, and still skirt by with a 75 in 12th-grade pre-calculus. My diploma arrived in the mail, because I joyously skipped graduation. The school experience was finally over.

    That year was also when I found a hobby that really interested me: news. Specifically, gaming news. Previously, the only thing that had ever stoked such a fire in me was baseball, and since it was my final year playing for the city league, I wouldn't have that hobby to lean on for much longer. The circle of communication was intriguing. PR announce a press release to a set of journalists before anyone else, and those journalists are tasked with spreading the information. But the internet age was also allowing such a wide flow of announcements, teases, and other reveals. To best cover the news, you'd have to keep watch on so many different variables, and that was so exciting. That's when I started posting news, here, in hopes of learning more about it, and finding something that I could dedicate myself to.

    2016 rolled around, and somehow, I was accepted into college. An actual university, even. My entrance letter had almost been something of a self sabotage. Surely a school wouldn't want a student who found the school system laughable. There was no way they'd allow me within a mile of their campus, when my records showed that I went out of my way to secure the bare minimum. But my 100% English ACT test scores directly contrasted with my hatred of education. Despite all odds, the college found my circumstances to be interesting enough that they wanted to give me a minor scholarship. That, coupled with the fact that I had the pell grant, meant I could go to college, without spending a cent on the cost of my classes.

    I was half honored, and half amused. I might have taken 2016 off as a gap year to figure myself out, but maybe...just maybe, I'd actually go to college. Maybe it'd be fun, even. Who knew what kinda fun stuff 2017 could hold?!

    And so, in typical life fashion...

    2017 was

    the worst year

    of my entire


    I mean, there was one good thing, in that absolute garbage-encrusted year. I met my boyfriend, who supported me through every step of that mind-numbingly horrifying year. And that's a pretty big high point. But every. single. other. event. sucked.

    Imagine 2017 as a year that starts as a small trash wrapped that rolls down a mountain of waste, collecting more and more trash. By the time it hits the bottom, the single wrapped has become a giant tumbleweed of a ghastly mess.

    It started with the death of one of my kittens. January 2017. Checkers and Mink had managed to have a few little kittens. I loved them dearly, even though they were so young, and new to the world. However, for some reason, they weren't viable. They all were dropping dead in front of me. It was haunting, and there was nothing I could do, nothing a vet could do. All I could do was sit with them as they died.

    That wasn't the worst of it.

    Mink got sick. When I came home one day, I found him shivering, meowing at me weakly. He couldn't move. He laid on the ground. He couldn't eat. He was dying. In the ensuing panic, the fight with my parents over if he should go to a vet, right now right now right now.

    He died in my lap. A final shuddering breath let out.

    He was cold, so cold.

    I lost the best cat that I'd ever had. My little friend that had been that turning point in my life. I watched him die, unable to help him. Sometimes I still dream about it. I think about it. The wounds are still fresh, years later.

    Somehow, it still got worse.

    In August 2017, Hurricane Harvey hit.

    I lost my house. I lost my stuff. Everything was soaked under 7ft of mud-sewer-flood-water.

    I lived in a hotel for months, because we were effectively homeless. The only thing we got out of the house with was my phone, some baby pictures, and my dad's passport.

    Of course, I know it could have been worse; material items are replaceable. I still had my family. That was important.

    But it couldn't stop the fear of rain I now had. Or the emotional turmoil of watching your home slowly be destroyed.

    What could heal it, though, was the kindness of strangers. One of the biggest moments in my life was when everyone here supported me. When I had nothing, members of gbatemp helped me. I'll never, ever, forget that.

    That wouldn't be the end of 2017's nightmare, sadly.

    The hotel that I'd been staying at? Their staff had been stealing things I'd looted out of the remains of my own home. The maids would wait for us to leave, to tour a new place to live, and then something would disappear. At the time, we assumed it was just us going crazy, or someone misplacing something. "I thought you saved my penny collection!" "I-I could swore I did. I...I know I had it...but it's not here...did...I not actually get it out?". That conversation kept happening, until one day, the maid walked into the room, in the late afternoon. My parents had left out the front lobby. It was just me and my boyfriend, playing games on the tiny TV, with my only console at the time: an Xbox sent to me by a GBAtemp user.

    The maid rattled the door against the deadbolt a few times. Confused, I motioned for my boyfriend to check out what was going on--no way would the cleaning service come by so late. Outside the room, was a startled looking hotel worker. They looked shocked that there was someone in the room. There was no cleaning cart nearby. They were randomly there. But why?

    Then the pieces came together.

    One of the biggest reasons we'd chosen that hotel was because it accepted pets. We had to have a place that accepted both a cat and a dog, as the hotel was our home, thanks to government funding. We were given five months to find a place to live in. We still had a month left, according to the contract FEMA had given us, but we were looking to get out and find a place to live, normally, again. On a day that we were choosing a cheap townhome to move into, the year decided to take another spiral downwards.

    The manager of the hotel didn't like me. Rude, brash, annoyed by the "filth" of hurricane victims that were in her hotel, I had actively avoided her.

    A lack of interaction didn't mean she didn't care, it seemed.

    Because when we got back from moving stuff into the new home, she had taken Checkers. I got back to the hotel room in a panic, not seeing her anywhere. Nearly tripping down the stairs, I demanded to know where my cat was. For sick kicks, she'd decided to appoint the room as abandoned (even though the key card still worked, even though we still lived there, we still had our own items in the room, we had a month left) and had someone send the cat to a shelter.

    I spent the next week going to every pet shelter in houston, trying to find her. I never did. I put up posters, informed every worker of every pet store and shelter in the city.

    When I couldn't find my cat, I went back to the manager of that hotel, demanding her to get my cat back. she laughed in my face. I threatened to call the police. She actually looked afraid, then.

    Instead of taking my side...my dad dragged me, screaming, from the lobby of that hotel. He refused to let me call the police, or file a report of stolen property. Both my parents didn't think it was worth involving the authorities over. Part of the reason was that they were afraid the police would somehow take the side of the hotel, getting me in trouble. But still. I had nothing to lose by doing so, and it was a genuine case of theft. I lost my cat that day. and I will forever regret the fact that I didn't call the cops on that red-faced demon of a manager.

    2017 closed out the year with a horrible flu. For my birthday, I was bed-ridden and couldn't move for a week. Not even to go to the doctor. There was only one time where I'd felt sicker, and that was the event, mentioned back at the start of this ramble.

    So, if you hit rock bottom, you can only go up from there, right?

    2018 sorta passed by in a blink. There were good moments, there were bad moments, but in general, it was a grieving year that helped the pain from the previous year lessen, in a blur.

    And so we get to the year we just completed: 2019.

    After so many highs and lows, this roller coaster of a decade closed out on a high, blessedly.

    I began 2010 as a frail, sickly kid, who was afraid of so much. I didn't know what I wanted from life. I never wanted to talk to people, because I was fearful of being bullied.

    I ended 2019 as someone who has grown up, learned so much, knowing exactly what I want from life. I love talking to people, and I have many friends, who I treasure.

    This decade, had so many good and bad things throughout it. That's, of course, typical, considering it's a span of ten years. But I feel like I've come so far, dealt with so much. As 2020 begins, I'm excited to see where life takes me this decade.

    So, thank you, to all my friends, and those who have been there for me these past years. I hope you all have an amazing 2020. Happy New Year.
  • Chary

    My top 25 games of all time - redux

    So, like, a good three years ago, I made a blog about my top favorite games of all time. Three years feels like forever ago, and I feel like a heck of a lot has changed--perhaps even my taste in video games. For the sake of keeping track, I thought I'd make a blog about my top 25 games once more, to see what games I found and enjoyed these past few years. And in yet another three years, I can come back, see this blog, and wonder upon the trash tastes of past-Chary. :P

    Ghost Trick
    Simpson's Hit N Run
    Odin Sphere
    DKC: TF
    Rune Factory 4
    DBZ BT3
    Fire Red
    SMT 4
    Rocket League
    Pokemon Mystery dungeon Sky
    Danganronpa 1
    Super Mario World
    Fallout New Vegas
    Assassin's Creed 2
    Ace Attorney
    Tales of the Abyss
    Fire emblem awakening
    Steins gate
    Sonic 3
    animal crossing
    Persona 4

    25. Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening

    Instead, I think I'd put Link's Awakening here. I remember it as the first Zelda game I ever played, and my favorite in the series. After so many years, though, I'd mostly forgotten it. The remake gave me the chance to at least replay the general experience, but it left me feeling like I'd totally remembered it wrong. At least, until I went back and played the original, and thoroughly enjoyed it. It's short, it's weird, and it might not be at the top of most's lists, especially when it comes to Zelda, but I still love it.

    24. Simpsons Hit N Run

    Games based on movie/TV IP's can't be good! That tends to be the rule, with video games, and this is one that manages to be the exception. It's quotable, it's memorable, it has references--it's the perfect Simpsons game, and a love letter to any fan of the show. It's not without its faults, of course, as the latter half of the game feels rushed, overly frustrating, and has enough padding to create the ideal cell for when you inevitably go crazy from playing it, but even so, there's something so charming about driving around a meticulously re-created game world of Springfield that it makes you forgive most of its larger issues.

    23. Chrono Trigger

    On odd-numbered days, my favorite of the two is FFVI, but on even-numbered days, it's Chrono Trigger. Both are just sublime games, showing off how mid-90s JRPGs had been perfected, with their spritework, timelessness, and enjoyable gameplay. They're both amazing games, and it's clear to see how they're likely the inspiration behind most modern games in the genre.

    22. Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze

    This game earns its place in the DKC franchise in every way, shape, and form. It's got the classic difficult platforming with pulse-pounding segments that are do-or-die, requiring perfect timing, and it's got the most well-suited soundtrack to fray your nerves to. All the DKC games are good in their own ways, but I feel like this is where Retro managed to exactly capture what made Rare such a good studio to create the beloved series in the first place.

    21. Dragon Ball Z: BT3

    As an unabashed shameless DBZ fan, Budokai Tenkaichi 3 is pretty much the best DBZ game out there. The story mode covers anything and everything that happens throughout the anime/manga, and you have access to literally every character that's ever been on screen--even the nameless goons from Frieza's army. It has an overly complex fighting system that manages to actually be quite fun, once you get the hang of it, and there's something to be said for being able to set up your own ridiculous battles, and using Hercule to decimate five different super saiyans in a row.

    20. Duck Game

    This is by far, one of the best multiplayer games ever. Local, or online. It already starts out amazingly because it's a game about ducks, how can you go wrong with that? But it gets better! Add some maniacal fast-paced gameplay, where you're controlling ducks that can fire every manner of gun under the sun, where every milisecond of reaction matters, and you have an utterly hilarious, amazing party game on your hands.

    19. Dishonored

    Choice. It's an important part of most story-based games, giving you, the player, the ability to pick how you want your avatar protagonist to be. Evil? Good? Neutral? That choice lies with you. Dishonored gives you a choice that not only impacts the narrative, but how you play the game as well. If you want to be the good guy, you're playing Dishonored as a stealth game, with your abilities acting as the method of puzzle solving. For those with less of a moral high ground, you'll be enveloped by a host of different powers that let you eviscerate your enemies in all sorts of ways, as you tear through each part of Dunwall like an action hero. Either choice you pick, you'll have a fun time.

    18. Super Paper Mario

    Super Paper Mario is the result of taking a Mario game, and asking what would happen if you wrote a story and actually characterized the cast of Mario and co. Many will likely prefer TTYD, for sticking to the turn based roots of the Paper Mario series, but I feel that this game is easier to come back to, just to breeze through and see the story play out, or watch others react to the story themselves. It's a little easy, and you can see that there's some padding near the end to try to stretch the gameplay out, but the highs that SPM hits outweigh the lows.

    17.The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel

    I will fight for this game. I will fight and yell in the streets for XSEED to keep translating it. It's just so good. It's insane, the level of detail and world-building that goes on in this subset of games. You have to be committed, if you want to get the most enjoyment out of the Trails series--since a single game clocks in more text than the entire Harry Potter series of novels--but it's so worth it. It's like reading an amazing series of books, but with all the goodness that adding video games to the equation brings, like dialogue options and strategy-based RPG combat.

    16. Castlevania SOTN

    Does this game need to explain itself? Certainly not, as its existence pretty much inspired hundreds of games to follow. There's an undeniable beauty in the spritework and the music, while character movement is fluid, responsive, and so satisfying. Even exploiting how broken the game is, is a thrill. There's a reason why Bloodstained is one of the most funded projects on kickstarter; people just want MORE Symphony of the Night!

    15. Shin Megami Tensei IV/A

    Apocalypse is the black sheep of the SMT series, acting more as SMT-lite rather than anything else. It actually felt like a good place for someone like me, who only had experience with Persona, to jump in. IV is a bit more hardcore, keeping things to the typical formula. Either are engrossing JRPGs with a difficulty curve that'll chew you up and spit you out, and you'll have to put some thought into the game's mechanics to stay alive. If you stick with it, you'll be rewarded with super satisfying fights, and interesting moral choices.

    14. Assassin's Creed II

    To me, the Assassin's Creed franchise is boring, overplayed, stale, uninteresting, and just not worth the time. Having played every entry from 1, to Origins, I found myself baffled at why I bothered to keep up with the series at all, until I started playing 2 again, on a whim. It's this game alone, that manages to make me care about Assassin's Creed, and hold out that minuscule hope that one day Ubisoft will make another AC game like this one. 2 had enough of a plot to push the narrative along, while not trying to burden the player with "modern" content, and keeping most of the focus on Ezio and his exciting adventures through Italy. The combat is a little stiff, after ten years, but there's a genuine amount of fun to be had from just exploring, running around memorable landmarks, and finding side missions and collectibles. It doesn't feel as rote as the newer games, which keeps it from being as tired as something like Revelations, or 3.

    13. Yoshi's Island

    Yoshi's Island is nostalgia, pure, and printed in game cart form. From the coin ding when you boot it up, to the relaxing music, to the springy controls, everything about Yoshi's Island just brings back the experience of playing the game back when I was a little kid, wondering why people liked Nintendo more than Sega. Yoshi's Island, young me realized, was why.

    12. Life is Strange

    This game is an interesting case. I like it, and I dislike it. And yet, despite all its flaws, I still really like it. I played it at a pretty pivotal moment in my life, too, right after the hurricane. And considering the end choice of the game, it stuck out to me a lot more than any other game might have at the time. The writing can be downright cringey at times, but even so, it still gives the game heart, in all the dorkiest of ways. When I needed an escape from the flood and all the damage that came with it, this was the game I sunk all my time into, and it captured me with its cliche premise and amusing characters.

    11. Fallout 2

    If you asked me if Bethesda could have made a good story-driven Fallout game back in 2016, I would have been skeptical, at best. These days, I'd laugh. But when I was wanting more good post apocalyptic games with interesting stories and lore, all I needed to do was look to the past. Fallout 1 had the better overall tone, but Fallout 2 did everything else right. It had charm, it had alarming gore, it had humor and fourth wall breaking snark; it was Fallout New Vegas, but isometric. Something about the old school charm that this game has puts it above New Vegas for me, but man, it's a toss up between the two. I think 2 just had me more interested, but it can be dated and antiquated.

    10. Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

    It's hard to pick which game in the original trilogy is the best. 1 feels more well rounded, 2 has an insanely good final case that's bogged down by having to trudge through boring fluff cases to get there, while 3 is the perfect sendoff. Either way, the entire trilogy is worth playing. I love games that focus on character relationships and good stories, and there's no better way to do that than by overdramatic court cases and murder investigations!

    9. Tales of the Abyss

    When I was but a few hours into the start of Abyss, I almost put it down. It has a bit of a rough start--but if you let the game develop past that, you are awarded with such a good JRPG. While it's not the best combat the series has to offer, the characters and art design, and overall world just felt so interesting. I'm so glad I didn't give up on the game, because it ended up being one of my favorites of all time.

    8. Rocket League

    Every changelog or update I see for this game gives me this sense of foreboding, but for what it is, Rocket League is just plain fun. Forget the lootboxes and toxic online, and think about the pure, incorruptible fun that comes from driving a toy RC car into a giant soccer ball. It's something you can get anyone to play along with you, but it also has an insane amount of depth. You can blast your boost and careen into the ball hoping to score a goal, or you can mastermind a plan to fly your car into the air, flip the hood at the exact angle, and shoot the ball into the precise undefended edge of the goal. Nice shot! Nice shot! Nice shot!

    7. Minecraft

    What more could possibly, honestly be said about this game? Minecraft is the perfect game to just pick up and unwind with. It's the kinda game that you can forget exists for a few months, or a year, and then stumble across it again, remembering why you loved it in the first place, playing it endlessly until you burn out only to repeat the pattern all over again. It's calm when you need a relaxing game, or exciting, when you've got 100 mods piled on top of each other, drastically changing the experience.

    6. Danganronpa 2

    While 1 was a little hamfisted and awkward in its writing, Danganronpa 2 managed to pull everything together to create a really compelling story, with some memorable characters. And that build up requires having the knowledge of 1, in order to fully make its impact. The themes actually manage to hit their mark here, rather than overly harping on the "bad guy concept bad" "good guy concept good" tropes that 1 spent most of its time doing. It took everything that the first game did, and did it better, going from a good game, to a fantastic game.

    5. Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky/Time/Darkness

    I cried when I beat this game for the first time at 10 years old, and I still cry re-watching the ending as an almost-23-year-old. Every time you scoff at Pokemon games not really having much of a story, you pick up this game and you play it through to Dialga. If you don't cry, or at least feel something stirring within you, you'll know you're dead inside. Even disregarding the insanely surprisingly well-written story, the dungeon crawling aspects are also really fun. It's tactical and requires thoughtful choices to offset the randomness of exploring, while still being less punishing than other non-Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games. I honestly think, without this game, I wouldn't even care about the Pokemon franchise as a whole.

    4. Fire Emblem Three Houses

    I can't get over how good this game is. Good writing, good gameplay, good characters. It managed to take elements from every Fire Emblem game, and mix it together, without creating a totally broken mess (like Awakening) and have a good story at the same time (unlike Fates) while still being pretty accessible (unlike Echoes). In a lot of ways, this game is super similar to Fire Emblem 4, which is a horribly dated, yet still fantastic game. I had a lot of fear before this game launched, that it'd be a boring game, or would change Fire Emblem too much, but after 200 hours, I'm dead certain that this is the best game in the franchise.

    3. Sonic 3

    The day that this game ever leaves my top 3 will be the day where I think I'll have gone insane. This is one of the first video games I ever played, and I couldn't ask for a better introduction into the world of games than this. It's one of the best platformers of all time, and even though it's totally broken and full of manipulatable glitches, it's still so fun. It kills me that we'll never get an "HD" version of this, but at least we've got Sonic 3 Complete.

    2. Animal Crossing: New Leaf

    Okay, this might have been the most difficult decision of the entire blog. Animal Crossing, or Animal Crossing...New Leaf? The first game in the series has such sentimental value to me, and every element of the game just strikes a chord of nostalgia. There's the soundtrack, which just brings out a level of uncomparable joy, or the sound effects, which I still remember clearly, as I did when I first played the game in 2002, or so. But...with ten years between it and New Leaf, there were so many QoL changes and improvements that it's mind-boggling. Playing the first Animal Crossing is fun, and I love going back to it, but it also feels lacking and clunky. What do you mean closets can only hold 3 items at a time?! Only shirts and umbrellas?! Oh gosh. No hats, pants, shoes--New Leaf just added so many things to really mark it as the definitive Animal Crossing game. I truly hope that New Horizons does the same.

    1. Persona 4: Golden.

    Yeah, nothing has changed here. This is still the game of all games, to me. I haven't played it since I last made a blog, but I still clearly remember the entire experience of playing that game from start to finish, entirely hooked. And then I went back and beat it again, on a NG+, just to get the platinum trophy. When you beat a game and actively want to restart the entire story over, just to play it all again, you KNOW you're playing a good game.

    Honorable mentions: Castle of Illusion, Breath of the Wild, Batman: Arkham City, Persona 3: Portable, Kid Chameleon, Mario Superstar Baseball, Pokemon Heartgold/Soulsilver, Rune Factory 4, 999, and The Division.

    So, there you have it. I'll be interested in seeing how many games shift on or off of this list, in the coming years.
    You, Taleweaver, Silent_Gunner and 20 others like this.
  • Chary

    The story of my dad, three Wii's, THE FISHING, and an unexpected hero

    I've been waiting to post a dad blog, hoping for my dad to once more do something quirky and adorably enjoyable. My patience was rewarded today, in a small, but amusing incident following Thanksgiving.

    It all began, this morning. Where my dad walked up to me randomly, and eloquently said, "It is the Thanksgiving. I want to play...the fishing. THA FEESHING GAME!"

    Completely confused at first, I remembered that back when the Wii used to be something people used, he loved to play Animal Crossing. That was too difficult for him to remember, so he would just call it THE FISHING, because he loved to catch fish. I even bought him a plastic fishing-pole attachment for the Wii, because he liked it so much. So, a good 10 years after the last time he'd played THE FISHING, (you should never dare call it City Folk, he'll think you're swearing at him) he randomly wanted to play it again. Badly. Enough to tell me to drop everything I was doing so we could do the fishing gaming for the Thanksgiving celebration. Even though it was the day after.

    So, I grab a Wii, my old one, which had been damaged in the flood from the hurricane a few years back. Of course, it didn't work. That was okay, I'd purchased two more Wii's after the fact.

    The second one boots, but the picture is messed up, completely mangled and unplayable.

    But that's okay, there's still a third one. Except.


    Somehow I'd unwittingly purchased a 5$ Wii...from Japan. Thanks, Goodwill. And thanks to the lovely genius choices that Nintendo made, back in the day, the Wii refused to play THA FEESHING (TM), because it's region locked. Hope isn't all lost yet, though. I can hack it, of course. That'll turn it region free. I tell my dad as such, when he's wondering why I'm running around looking for an old SD card. He reacts in total horror. "You can't hurt the VHS (Wii)! It never do anything to you! It only want to play the fishing...". Whatever interpretation he has of "hacking", he assumes I'm going to completely take it apart and destroy it. He also wants to play it NOW, not in thirty minutes, after I've softmodded it.

    So it all clicks, in my head. Why bother hacking the Wii? I had the perfect solution all along. It all made sense now.


    After so many years.

    The Wii U.

    It was time.

    It may not have been useful in its prime, but now, it was time for the Wii U to shine, as a FISHING MACHINE!

    My dad joyously stared at the TV, in anticipation, as Animal Crossing booted up. He spent about 10 minutes walking into walls, trying to move his character, but once he learned that walking into trees wasn't how you fished properly, he caught himself his favorite fish: The Rad Snap. Yyfkuwa.png

    All hail the Wii U, the true hero, having finally attained its true meaning in life, to deliver joy to a dad who just wanted to fish.
    James_, Larsenv, brickmii82 and 34 others like this.
  • Chary

    Holy crap 7 years

    So it’s October 1st. Normally a day I don’t really pay attention to, except, a little glowing cake symbol alerted me to the fact that today’s my seventh anniversary on this site.

    That’s pretty amazing.

    When I first joined, I thought I’d just mostly lurk around the site. Maybe potentially keep watch on if that wild and crazy security that the newfangled 3DS had would ever be cracked in the next decade. And then I ended up getting involved with the community of GBAtemp, and finding myself logging in daily, looking forward to my little visits. Then, I found myself interested in posting news, and finding an incredibly fun hobby through that. Through all the news, reviews, and dad-blogs, years quickly passed. When I was at my lowest, it was the people here who picked me back up, after the hurricane, with so much camaraderie and caring that it still makes me cry. In all the time I’ve spent here, I’ve made incredible friends and found a niche that truly makes me happy. And all of that has come from the tight knit community that this site has. So thank you, everyone, for an amazing seven years, and for many more!
  • Chary

    My dad caught a dove in his bare hands, and took it home in an uber

    So, it’s finally time for another entry in the never-ending chronicles of my dad.

    For the past few weeks, I’ve been wondering, waiting, for material to use in a new blog about my dad. Usually, he does or says enough things to create a fun blog, but as of late, there hadn’t been much to go off. Then, as if a present from the sky, came what I was waiting for.

    A bird.

    Today, my dad arrived home, with a paper bag in his hand. Now, he does that every day, but as he greeted me at the door this time, he foisted the paper bag into my hands. Baffled, I wondered what he possibly could be giving to me. I knew something was up, when I saw the back of the bag had holes in it, and the way my dad was desperately trying his best not to grin excitedly.

    I opened the top of the bag, to peer inside, and upon seeing the contents of the bag, I shrieked and shut it. A white bird was nestled at the bottom of the bag, tilting his head back and forth in curiosity. I peeked into the bag again to see—to make sure—and lo and behold, the bird was still sitting happily inside.

    Startled, I nearly dropped the bag. I made sure to try to keep it as steady as possible as I stumbled over saying “huh” “what” “how” and “bird?!” all at once. My dad, smiling joyously, waved his arms, and said “a gift for you!” Before walking inside, leaving me with the paper bag and bird.

    According to my dad, he had found the bird sitting outside in a parking lot. He wanted to pet it, so he followed it for a few minutes, before eventually deciding to pick it up in his bare hands. From there, he walked to a nearby grocery store, asked for a paper bag, ripped open a few air holes, and stuffed the bird inside. With the bird in tow, he took an Uber home. I can’t even imagine what the conversation between my dad and the driver was, seeing as my dad likely couldn’t resist bragging about what was in the bag.

    As I was panicking about what to do with this bird, my dad eagerly took the bird out of the bag, grabbing it with his hands, and setting it on our table. I expected the bird to fly around or start cawing, or anything, but it calmly sat there, ruffling its feathers every so often. I offered it a bowl of water, wondering how birds even drank water in the first place. It cutely dipped its head into the dish and seemed to drink the water. Then, dad began grabbing things out of the cupboard like oatmeal cookies, or a chocolate granola bar, and tried to offer it to the bird. I might not know much about birds, but I do know they probably can't eat sugary things or chocolate, though my dad just wanted to spoil his bird friend with snacks, as if it were a child, rather than a pet.

    image0.jpg image0k.jpg image0l.jpg

    We decided on oatmeal and carrots, for the time being, as we figured out what in the world to do with a bird. For the most part, the little guy has been super calm, and appears to be trained. I voiced the opinion that he might be someone's pet, to the horror of my dad, because he wants to keep his bird friend forever and ever. He's been sitting with the bird, uncaged, for about 3 hours now, trying desperately to get it to sit on his shoulder.

    For your enjoyment, I captured some short videos.

    Volume warning:

    Dad has decided that we will be naming the bird (for the time being) Punky, because "he has the crazy hair like the punky people" (mohawk). We're gonna take him to a vet, learn some stuff about him, and decide if we're equipped enough to even care for a bird. Regardless of what happens, this has definitely been a weird day.
    eriol33, Yan3, epickid37 and 42 others like this.
  • Chary

    I am haunted by UK geography

    While attempting to request more hardware for GBAtemp's review center, I found myself contacting a company in hopes of getting a review unit of something pretty cool. After a few days of waiting, I got a response. And it has haunted me, leaving me constantly thinking about it. In the deepest stretches of night, I will ponder this conundrum, and lay awake for hours just asking, "why?".

    What could possibly mess me up so badly? Let me tell you, dear GBAtemp users.

    This company is located in Scotland. They were fully ready to ship us the item, at least, until I provided a shipping address to the UK.

    Their response was that they can't ship overseas to the UK from Scotland.


    As an American, I can say that I don't know much when it comes to UK geography, but I was almost certain that Scotland and the UK shared the same landmass. Perhaps I had been wrong this whole time? And Scotland really was adrift, floating somewhere in the distance, across the sea from the UK?

    I checked maps. I found the HQ of the company. It's all land. There's no ocean between the two.

    It's been bothering me for weeks.

    Has Scotland become upset with the UK and decided to fly away to become their own territory?

    Did they take Brexit so literally that they broke apart from the continent and decided to live life on the seas?

    Why. How. When. What.

  • Chary

    My dad goes to the DMV

    As I was sleeping oh so peacefully in my warm and comfortable bed, I found myself jolted awake by my father. He had a grand plan in mind, today. After being embarrassed by his friends over having an ID card that was expired, he felt it was finally time to renew his ID.

    My dad proudly waived his old license card in front of my face.

    “Expires in 1981! My picture, I still have my hair in afro in that year,” he seems very excited to say. Almost proud of how badly it’s expired. But he wants to “get with the time”, and have a shiny new ID, minus the shiny satin collared shirt and afro of his very 1970s-looking card.

    We arrive at the DMV, and are told to grab a number and wait. Ridiculous conversations ensue.

    Guy: Okay, go ahead and write your information down.
    Dad: OH NO!
    Guy: What! What?!
    Dad: I don’t bring the pen! I am sorry! I go home and bring one back!
    Guy: Sir. SIR. We have pens for you to write with. Come back.
    Dad: Really?! How nice!

    Dad: Okay; now what I do? Go online?
    Guy: Er, no. Just go sit down in the seats.
    Dad: So I get online.
    Guy: No, you’re here, so you don’t need a computer.
    Dad: Why would I need computer to go online?
    Guy: ...

    To go “online”, to my dad...means to go “on line”...to get in line.

    Dad: You fill the paper. You will make it look better.
    Me: Alrighty. Hey, don’t hover over my shoulder like that.
    Dad: Okay, my name is—
    Me: Dad, I know your name. Don’t worry.
    Dad: Okay, we live in Texas. Don’t mistake.
    Me: Dad. Please.

    Dad: Hello. I want ID.
    Clerk: Okay, an identification card.
    Dad: Yes, the driving license.
    Clerk: Oh, that’s different, okay.
    Dad: No, no. The ID license.
    Clerk: Uh...
    Dad: You know, not the driving, but the card the driver carries.
    Clerk: What?
    Me: Just an ID card, please.

    A few people begin to stare at us.

    Dad: I should be ahead of all the younger.
    Me: Yeah dad, you deserve it.
    Dad: I am going to talk with them, tell them I don’t want waiting all day
    Me: Wait no. You can’t do that.
    Dad: It’s okay, I tell them I am old
    Dad: Don’t worry though, I’m not old! I just lie to them to make them think I’m too old to waiting!

    Dad: Look. All is Mexican. Very few white boy. White boy have it easy. They think they better than everybody.
    Me: Do Persians consider themselves white?
    Dad: Iranian is white but better! Sheesh!

    Receptionist: Please stand up if you have a C, S, or N.
    Dad: Do we have C?
    Me: No.
    Dad: Do we have S?
    Me: No. we have L.
    Dad: Can the N be an L?
    Me: Just wait until they call the L.

    Dad: How do you know is L ticket?
    Me: Well. There’s a giant L on the front.
    Dad: But there is small C on the ticket.
    Me: They just care about the big letter
    Dad: Tricky! These people want to trick you into looking dumb! They not catch me looking dumb!

    A man sitting next to us is trying not to laugh.

    Dad: Look at small boy. He wearing light up shoe.
    Me: Yeah those are cute.
    Dad: Remember when you wear those? Why you not wear them anymore?
    Me: Cuz they’re for children, dad
    Dad: You are my children. You can wear light shoe!

    Guy: Please, if you have an unused clipboard, return it to the front desk.
    Dad: What is clap board?
    Me: It’s something you write on when you don’t have a desk.
    Dad: what?
    Dad: MISTER! EXCUSE ME! What is the clap board? Do I need one for license?
    Guy: ...here, have this clipboard
    Dad: Oh. Is just wood. Thank you for showing me clap board.

    And, they’re just about to call those “real” L’s. So I’ll end the blog here. I know I was almost laughing through this whole process, so I hope you guys find some of it funny as well! I’ll see you next time, when my dad has more antics to share.

    You, Red771, MicmasH_Wii and 34 others like this.
  • Chary

    A small collection of Dad stories

    Here we are once more, with a blog about my dad. It's been a good while since the last one, but I've collected little things he says here and there in order to make a short blog about the quirky things he's been saying lately.

    Me: So this is a game that has both Sonic and Pikachu! Your favorites!
    Dad: Wow! How you play?
    Me: You gotta punch them off the screen, basically
    Dad: Oh no! Why Pika punch Sonic? Are they not friend?! Put away sad game! Do not like!

    Dad: So what you buy from the Amazon this time?
    Me: A diffuser
    Dad: Please speak real English
    Me: ...okay, imagine a candle, but electric? *pulls it out of box*
    Dad: Oh my gosh!
    Dad: I am Aladdin!
    Dad: The whole new wooooorld~
    Me: what
    Dad: It is the genie lamp! You cannot telling me it isn’t!
    Me: It’s...ah, no, you’re right dad, it is.

    Dad: I bring home the money today. Can you make people delivery fried chicken?
    Me: S-sure?
    Dad: Get me all the chicken. We deserve the GOOD chicken.

    Dad: Hehehehe
    Me: What’s up?
    Dad: I putting blanket on dog's head, heh
    Me: Yeah?
    Dad: He looking like Persian woman now!
    Dad: I not want dog to be the muslim though, so I taking blanket from his head now.

    Dad: Can you help me to find tinfoil? I’m baloney to finding it.
    Me: You’re...what?
    Dad: Sorry, I use wrong word, I am being the blonde
    Me: Still not it, dad
    Dad: What is call? Balloon?
    Me: Keep trying
    Dad: How you say when you cannot see the thing? It is blonde! I am going blonde!!
    Me: Oh, blind!
    Dad: Yes!! Blonde like I say!

    Me: Okay dad, here's a new phone for you, this one might be easier to use
    Dad: Oh! It's a baby iPad! Maybe it will be nicer to me than old phone, he makes noise too much, I don't like him anymore
    Me: I still don't know how you keep setting those alarms...
    Dad: I'm going to make old phone jealous with this one! Ha!

    Dad: Teach me to tax! (text) I want to be like the white boys who tax all day!
    Me: You can just press the letters, and make words, then you hit send, okay? Try it!
    photo_2019-05-01_19-10-42.jpg Dad: Does it say hello? I make him say hello!

    Mom: My laptop stopped working...
    Me: Here, use dad’s laptop
    Mom: Wtf is this weird thing, this isn’t Windows
    Me: It’s called Linux, it works fine
    Dad: Is that bad? Why line hacks on the iPad?
    Mom: Oh my gosh we’re going to be hacked if we use this
    Me: Guys, it’s fine
    Dad: Why you make my iPad go weird?!?!

    Mom: Eek! There’s a wasp in the house!! Kill it!
    Dad: Aha! So scared of bug, silly women
    Me: Wait what are you--
    Dad: I catch bees with HAND
    Dad: Is sissy bees, it only sting me twice!

    *wheel of fortune is on*
    Dad: Guess one H!
    TV: Can I buy a vowel?
    Dad: NOOOO, H!
    TV: Hmm...G?
    Dad: Is stupid!
    Dad: [yelling as loud as possible] GO FOR AYYYYCHAAHHH
    TV: How about an H?
    Dad: Yessss!! He listen to me, see? TV man hear me be smart!

    Dad: Oh oh! I know word! I solving! I know the English! Put me on the TV and I will show crazy American how to learn their own language!

    Dad: Daughter
    Dad: Kid
    Dad: Krista
    Dad: Wake up!!!
    Me: Wha...what’s going on?
    Dad: I just want to make sure you aren’t died
    Me: Um...I’m pretty sure I’m alive
    Dad: Okay
    *10 minutes later*
    Dad: Are you okay?
    Me: Ugh...I was trying to sleep some more, what’s up?
    Dad: Goodnight
    Me: Wait what?
    *10 minutes later*
    Dad: Wake up, are you still okay?
    Me: Dad what in the world are you doing, it’s 6am and I want to sleep
    Dad: I’m just being the best daddy ever! Yes, I am best dad in world! You agree!
    Me: Um...yeah, you're the best, of course
    Dad: Yay! I do good!

    Mom: Hey, the sliding door is acting up, can you oil it?
    Me: Can’t dad do that?
    Dad: Oil door...? Okay, I do that.
    *watches dad pour cooking oil on the door*
    Dad: Americans are very weird, they never know how to fix things right way.

    Dad: My phone, he sounds ugly when people call, how do I fix?
    Me: Okay, you want a new ringtone? What would you like?
    Dad: I...can choose? Yes! Give me Scooby scooby song!
    *a week later*
    Mom: Can you PLEASE change your father's ringtone? He's making me call him randomly just to listen to the Scooby Doo theme!
    Dad: No! I love how phone sing! He is friend, he knows my favorite music!

    Me: Hopefully this phone is easier for you to call on, yeah?
    Dad: I just press button and it calls! This is much better magic than old phone!
    Me: Yup! Just be careful you don't accidentally press it, okay? Only when you want to call.
    Dad: Sure! I understand perfect!
    *the next day*
    image0 (1).jpg

    That's all for now. In the meantime, I'll try to keep teaching my dad the wonders of how to use the magical miniature iPad responsibly. Hopefully, you all enjoyed this one, and I'm sure my dad will have plenty of other sayings to make blogs out of in the future.
    Red771, MicmasH_Wii, Larsenv and 24 others like this.
  • Chary

    I am the Cinderella of wristwatches

    When it comes to upper arm strength, anyone who's met me would say without a doubt that I have "negative arm muscles". That's fine, really. I've considered working out, maybe trying to have some semblance of upper body power, but I've never followed through. Add that to the fact that I'm already pretty small of a person to begin with, and that'll paint the picture that we'll come back to in a moment.

    Over at my mom's work, there's been this wristwatch. At some point, someone abandoned a Micheal Kors watch, and never came back for it. Attempts were made to find who the owner was, it was put in the lost and found, and notices were posted at the front office. No one ever came forward to claim it.

    ...That was about three years ago. Apparently, it was time to do a cleanout of the lost and found items, with my mom and her coworkers going through some of the things that had been lost to time. The most popular item of which, was that fancy watch. Whoever could fit it onto their arm was welcome to take it home with them and keep it. Well, after a week, it had been passed around the entire office, with everyone at my mom's job attempting to find someone with a small enough wrist to fit this tiny watch.

    So, that was how I found myself walking into a room, only to have a glasses case foisted into my hands, containing some fancy looking watch. I stared at it, confused, before I was pressured into trying it on. After 26 attempts with other people....I was the chosen one. The watch-bearer. Hero to lost and found items everywhere. It fit around my frail wrist, just barely. Finally, I was vindicated in my frailty!


    It's upside-down, but it fits! And it sure does look cool. I'm not much of an accessory wearing person, but I do feel exactly 8x richer while wearing it.

    also it's stuck. i can't get it off. help.
    You, Stealphie, Red771 and 22 others like this.
  • Chary

    I'm starting to regret giving my dad a cell phone

    It's 2019, and my dad still mostly lives as if it's 1980. Though he's been slowly, slowly, trying to learn how to use a laptop, that's his only modern luxury. Seeing as how my dad is...well...my dad, with all the quirks involved in his personality, I decided to grant him an upgrade to the 1990s: a cellular phone. It's a bulky, old school flip phone, with nothing more than the ability to text and call. It arrived in the mail, and my dad excitedly opened the packaging as if it was Christmas. However, I underestimated the difficulties of flip phones, as apparently, they are a nightmare to people unfamiliar with them. These are the adventures of dad and his phone.

    Dad: How does it work...?
    Me: Okay, so you press the numbers, yeah? Then press the big green button.
    Dad: What is a green!?
    Me: Uhm...it's the one with the picture of a phone...
    Dad: [holds RED power button]
    Phone: [powers off]
    Dad: Oh no...I killed him! Phone is the dead!

    Dad: How do I stop the phone call?
    Me: Just close it, and it hangs up for you.
    Dad: [loudly slams phone shut]
    Dad: Ooooh this is fun!
    Dad: [proceeds to open and close his phone for fun]

    A fateful week after obtaining his phone, he ran into his biggest trial yet. Alarms. Apparently, he keeps setting alarms. I don't know how, I don't know why. But he's set the loudest alarms on the face of the earth. I woke up at 6AM to see my dad start wrapping his phone in blankets, trying to muffle it. Then, he left it on my desk, waiting for me to fix it. Dad said "the phone has been crying for hour. Why won't it quiet? Please kill it!". 10 alarms had been set, on accident, to go off every 30 minutes. Even after I thought I disabled them all, it kept playing the alarm tune. For days, Dad would excitedly try to answer it, thinking it was a person. When he realized it was the alarm again, he would wrap it in a blanket, and leave it on my desk for me to fix. How. Why. Pls.

    Dad: Help...I charge him all night, and he won't listen to me!
    Me: What?
    Dad: I made sure he would be happy with electric! But it won't do the calling!
    Mom: What are you even saying?
    Dad: Jeez, don't you people know the English? Poor phone is upset with me!
    Me: [presses power button]
    Dad: Phone friend alive again! Magic!!!

    Dad: People tell me to do tax, they like the tax more than talking.
    Me: What do you mean by tax?
    Dad: You know! Your age people do it all the time, tic tac tac tac! Always pressing the phone!
    Me: ...texts?
    Dad: Yes! Tax!

    Me: Alright, so you press the buttons, and they all have little letters on them. Don't be discouraged if it's difficult. Texting on these is really hard.
    Dad: I will learn!
    *two days later*
    Uncle: Please, please, please tell your father to stop trying to text people. He keeps spamming me with things that don't make sense.
    Uncle: Most of them are just the letter A repeated over and over...
    Dad: I am taxing the good!

    I thought a flip phone would be perfect for him to learn, but perhaps it's just too lofty of a goal. The concept of it just completely eludes my dad, but...at the very least...he's having fun with it.
    Red771, Minox, QuazaRayy and 32 others like this.
  • Chary

    My dad tried to play Pokemon

    The latest Pokemon games have come and gone, with a myriad of love and hate for them being broadcast throughout the internet. But this fact was not known to my dad, who enjoys calling every video game a "PIKAAAAchu VHS". Thanks to the power of TV commercials, my father learned that Pokemon Let's Go was available to now buy! Excitedly, my father told me that we absolutely needed to get this game and play it right now. According to him, I hadn't talked to him about Pokemon in years! Something clearly was wrong, so he demanded that we play the game together to make sure I was okay. My mom also joined in at some points to add to the crazy factor. The next day proceeded to be full of ridiculousity.

    I tease you with a single screenshot as a prelude to the madness.


    Naming the character:
    Me: So what should we play as? The boy, or girl? What do you want your name to be?
    Dad: He doesn't look cool...
    Mom: Name her Trix! Like the cereal!
    Dad: Cereal is good! Name it that!
    Me: o-okay?

    Dad: Oh! We getting the Pika now? Where Pika?
    Me: Oh, um. Pikachu isn't in this one. Eevee is.
    Dad: What the heck is an Eevee?
    Me: It's a cute fox!
    Dad: That's not a Pika at all...

    Walking is hard:
    Me: So you move the stick where you want to go and make your character run.
    Dad: Like this?
    *character proceeds to run into the wall*
    Me: Yeah, move it whichever direction you want to go.
    Dad: *runs into trees offscreen*
    Dad: I'm having the fun!

    First battle:
    Dad: The boy! The other boy has your Pika?! You must steal it from him!
    Me: Dad, you can't steal Pokemon!
    Dad: Well it's his fault for having the Pika! Take it by the force!

    Naming Eevee:
    Me: Okay, now you have to name the little fox!
    Dad: Name it Pika!!
    Mom: No, that's dumb! Name it something cute!
    Dad: Chex Mix!
    Mom: Perfect!
    Me: But why!?

    Catching Ratatta:
    Me: This is our first wild Pokemon! That means if you want him to be your friend, you can catch him!
    Dad: Why is mouse purple?
    Mom: It's ugly, get away from it!
    Me: Wow that's mean!
    Dad: She right! It not look strong! Make it go away!

    Dad: Birdie! Get bird!
    Me: Do you like the bird? His name is Pidgey.
    Dad: Go friend the Patchy!
    Me: Okay! We got him!
    Dad: Now get another!
    Me: Oh, you only need one, dad. You can only have 6 together at once.
    Dad: He needs a friend! Get another!
    Me: Hahaha, alright, there. Do we need more?
    Dad: No! Two is good. We name one Chicken Wing and the other Feathersy! Birds must be together or else they go sad!

    Viridian Forest:
    Mom: Wait! It's the friend of Charmander!
    Dad: Flower thing!
    Me: Do you want him?
    Dad: Yes! Give me him! You can have Chicken Wing now!
    Me: What do we name Bulbasaur?
    Mom: No, his name is Squirtle!
    Me: Oh, that's the blue one.
    Dad: They're all Pika, no?
    Mom: His name will be Green Squirtle!

    First Gym:
    Me: Here's where we fight to win a gym badge!
    Mom: Do they have to fight? Doesn't the show let them win nicely? That's so mean!
    Dad: No! Is not cool if they don't fight! My pets are manly! They fight to be strong!
    Me: Make sure you use, uh, Green Squirtle! He has super powers here!
    Dad: Watch me! Super Green will be stronger than even Pika!

    [from here, I kept playing on vacation without dad. we pick back back up after Cerulean]

    Shiny savagery:
    Me: Look! This is a shiny Pokemon! They call this Ekans.
    Dad: Snake!? No! Get rid!!
    Me: But dad! He's awesome!
    Dad: We keep him, but only if you fix his name.
    Me: What kind of name do you want to give him?
    Dad: "Ew no." Ew part for being a snake! No part for being snake too!

    Dad: Where is cat?
    Me: Do you want a cat Pokemon?
    Dad: Maybe! Where do they live?
    Me: There's two, this is one of them!
    Dad: Oh! I want it!
    Me: What should be called?
    Dad: Cute!
    Me: Yeah, Meowth are very cute! Do you want a cute name?
    Dad: Yes.
    Me: ...?
    Dad: Do you not know english? I tell you name it Cute!

    Cats and birds:
    Dad: Will cat eat the birds? Maybe we should keep them away?
    Me: Pfft, they'll be fine.
    Dad: Well, I want another cat! So we should keep one bird away so they don't fight.
    Me: Um, okay. Here's the other cat Pokemon!
    Me: Oops, he got away...
    Dad: Nooo! Find him! We need it! Use the bird as bait!
    Me: Omg dad no.
    Dad: There he is again! Don't let it run!
    Me: Alright! Got it.
    Dad: This one name will be Super Fly Cat!!
    Me: I can't tell if that's better or worse than Cute.

    And, well, that's where I'll wrap up the first part of my dad's Pokemon adventure. If there's any more weird things that happen, I'll be sure to note them into another blog. Hopefully you guys find this as insane and funny as I did!
    Axido, Stealphie, Red771 and 50 others like this.
  • Chary

    Life update - Mold, vacation, and moving

    I’ve noticed I only write blogs when things are dire, or when I’m talking about crazy things my dad does. Sorry if you were expecting a dad blog this time (I promise one soonish, he’s had some FaceBook hijinks lately) but there’s not much to do right now, and I wanted to ramble.

    I’m currently on vacation in Oregon, and absolutely loving it. It makes me happy to be in Oregon, since it has such nice weather and I’m with family. Sometimes you just have to take a step back and focus on the simple things; I was amazed that trees here have so many colors in the Fall. Back in Houston, we sort of just have an endless summer, up until we get a sudden two weeks of winter, and then everything goes back to normal. The crisp fall air feels so nice to breathe in, and when I look up at night, I can see stars! There’s not as much pollution here as there is at home, and it really shows. Before, I could have gone months at home without caring about this little detail, but once I return to Houston, I know I’ll miss the soft crunch of multicolor leaves, the shining stars at night, and the crisp, dry weather of Portland.

    I’m on vacation, but even so, it’s hard not to log in and check the news every time I wake up, just from habit. There’s a lot of really awesome stories going on lately, and hopefully you guys won’t mind that the news is a little slow/late on my end, by the time I get back! (Have you guys seen the Smash “leaks”? Weird stuff)

    Sadly, when I get back, I’ll have a lot of work to do, and I don’t mean in the sense of writing. Before I left, while I was packing for vacation, I poked my head into my closet to grab some jackets—because jeez, it’s cold up north—and noticed that there was a giant patch of black mold growing. Apparently, a pipe that runs from the air conditioning is leaking, and it leaks right into my closet. I lost a few things from the water damage, but it was just a backpack and some clothes I don’t wear much anyway. I lucked out on noticing that before leaving, otherwise I might have faced worse damages. However, while my personal possessions are fine, the closet and wall are absolutely not. And my landlord doesn’t consider rapidly growing black mold to be much of a problem. That leaves me with two options: accept my fate as a part of my new moldy overlord, or, time to pack it up and find a new house.

    Sorry, I didn’t choose to become one with the mold, though, perhaps that would be a far more interesting story. So that leaves me tasked with looking for a new place to live, barely a year after moving into my current house! I’m disappointed that I have to move so soon, but really, this little house has served its purpose. It made a nice home as I readjusted to life after the flood/hurricane, and now the time has come to move on. Even if repairs are made (doubtful), I don’t want to risk living somewhere that has mold. Hopefully I find a nice new place to rent, and if I’m lucky, I’d like to be all settled in before the holidays. Packing and moving will be a pain, but I’m grateful for the chance, because last time, I really didn’t have the luxury of time, or possessions to “move”.

    And, I mean, my dad is happy about moving, too, though for entirely different reasons. We live next to a crosswalk, where when you press the button to cross, a robotic voice tells you to “please wait, crossing east”. Whenever we go walking, I press the button to cross the street, and my father always stops, and gets into arguments...with the inanimate crosswalk. I’m sure the neighbors will appreciate not hearing dad scream “YOU CANNOT TELLING ME WHAT TO DO, MAGIC BOX!” at a crosswalk in the morning anymore.

    As always, thanks guys, for reading!
    NoNAND, matpower, Larsenv and 16 others like this.