Welcome to the personal blog of Agjsdfd

  • Agjsdfd

    'i am sorry'

    Well as the title says. I said 'sorry' to 'someone'.
    The apology was directed to something I thought was my fault/mistake.

    Here is sort of the reply in short:

    'you will not get any sympathy from me like before because of your illness. You are a sociopath! Someone needs to bitch slap you. Email me so I can bitch some more'

    I am not hiding anything.

    Well to avoid any confusion, that's my ex.. I heard something 'personal' I can't share here, and I just said a simple sorry because of that.

    Ya ya, I keep on writing about my ex. Sorry guys.

    But talk about someone being arrogant and bitchy :).

    Ps. She refered to my brain tumour.
  • Agjsdfd

    Suicidal Thoughts..

    Alright, so I am getting into more and more shit, yet I feel no pressure at all.
    Education wise, and many personal things are going the down road badly, and instead of trying to solve I am feeling... its hard to discribe, "just not enough thoughts on those things". Instead I get thoughts of how everything will be over if I am no more..

    Well, got my regular doctors appointment on thursday.. but really.. Usually I worry about things and try to solve, why do i feel so tired of all the crap. Its like I have no "worries", yet feel lonely and depressed..
  • Agjsdfd

    Lack of friends. MDD(major depression disorder)

    Hey guys.
    Some of you may have read my past blogs. About my relationship etc etc
    Well, I have been so into that for more than a year that I pretty much lost my world.

    After A-level, most of my friends are scattered all over the place because of university, and the ones that are around aren't really considerable as 'friends'.

    I have grown apart from everything so much.

    My ex.. She clearly states she doesnt love me but yet I hav been finding it so hard to move on from that case.

    2 weeks ago, she texted me appologising for the way she has been towards me, but said 'I still don't want to talk to you.' BUT she added me back on MSN. so when I went on msn seeing her on, I was kinda thinking something is up.
    She said 'sup', I was like 'hey nothing good.'

    Then she started cursing me and saying 'u r desperate aren't you. I won't ever be with u bla bla'

    I did not ask her to apologise to me or talk to me..

    Anyway, my problem now is that for 1 girl I have pretty much lost my whole world. No friends, always depressed, no motivation, failing exams..

    I thought I would share my issues here at gbatemp.

    Love you guys...
  • Agjsdfd

    I got hopes? (maybe not?)

    So yeah, its about my relationship.
    Quick summary: I loved her, she loved me but had an EX who kept on coming back to her life and broke up with me, got back with him. Came back to me but lastly got back with him literally at the worst possible time bashing me emotionally to death. She said a lot of mean stuff and held every little shit against me.

    Current state:
    Her relationship with her boyfriend hasnt been stable for more than a month and she added me back on MSN. Just for normal talks. But what normal conversations can I have with her? NONE. She said she was mean and rude to me so I would move on and get over her. Just like my previous EX, also she believes that I am a great guy, "innocent" and a really good person. But she kindly explained my mistakes and I agreed with her. Conversations moving on, I asked her if she would ever think of us getting back together. Her response is, that we are still young and I am the kind of person that would want a completely "serious life relationship" and she isnt willing to think that far now. She has her own problems and doesnt want to think about it now.
    So I was like OK, so my chances are not completely NIL? Her response "i dont know the future, but please dont force it".

    I say "I cant force anything on you. You clearly know my limits".

    So yeah, how should I go on in this situation? She is trying to delete her bf from everywhere, but seems like she added him back on MSN today though.
    At least now she is not bashing me and saying "GOD FORBID IT! I WILL NEVER BE WITH YOU!"

    I truly love her. I can see her points. I am not saying she is the best girl and did everything the right way.. but I just love her. Things that come from her are really not taken too badly by me no matter how hard I try.

    So yeah, what should I do?
  • Agjsdfd

    A compound word starting with C and i got few hints

    So I was talking to my EX(a oldddd one, not the recent :P).
    She is back with her ex and they were together since they were 14 aparantly.
    Then she goes that HE trusts her blindly and so does she. I asked what is the reason?

    Got a few hints:
    http://www.astrology.com.au/compatibility/compatibility.asp => pointed me out that they were both capricorns
    poker => something related to poker, but aparantly they didnt gamble and or didnt play and won money..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erjJ_R_n2MI => Stuck with each other. that song that she gets back to him again and again
    illegal => Aparantly its something illegal

    the word is a compound with starting with "C". A two words compound word.
    Aparantly they both can get to jail and I am too innocent to know o.o

    Any help guys? and aparantly i didnt know it existed..
  • Agjsdfd

    Everything I do is wrong?

    Why are people holding everything against me? lol

    I mean.. lets get back to my EX story. I messaged her wishing Happy birthday and she replied saying "You are fucking annoying. You really are stupid. You know why I went back with my 'ex' because I stopped talking to him completely and he realized 'blah blah' and changed. You are not giving me the chance to realize anything. NOT THAT I WANT TO BE BACK WITH YOU. YOU ARE NO ONE TO ME, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. DONT MESSAGE ME EVER! But why are you putting up fake ':)' trying to show you have changed."
    So I am like WTF. Losing you and putting ":(" you held against me. Now i am in normal mood and wishing you happy birthday with a smile and you think I am trying on you and trying to show you I have changed!?

    Then today in class, my Chemistry teacher slipped and no one saw. I saw and ran to help him out because he is an old man. And he was fucking shouting at me. DONT TOUCH ME BLA BLA! o.o

    thats just 2 of the things that happend today.. there are a lot more happening this week.
  • Agjsdfd

    Need help with my next step..

    Helloo guys :).
    I am stuck in the same situation lol.
    BUT 2 days ago my ex broke up with her boyfriend, and funny thing is I texted her exact on the same day after they broke up. Havent been texting her for a few weeks..

    Now she said, she doesnt want to talk to me "at least not for a while". Then she said that she broke up with that guy...
    I said maybe we should talk and that I miss her. But she said "please i want to be alone, only I know how i am feeling with him gone".

    Girls apparently value their first love the most? and the guy she is with is/was her first love..
    I see a difference in her tone.. she would tell me to leave her alone and bash me but she seems to feel weak right now.

    "If you love someone you should let that person go" => Hell NO! I love her and I cant let her be..

    What would be the best thing to do at this situation?

    I may sound desperate or dumb, but please understand that I love her. I am completely stuck like this for a while now.. hard to move on.

    Extra info:
    The reason for her to break up was that her boy friend asked out other girls. That guy never changed, and now my EX is creating big dramas on FB. Saying he didnt deserve a girl like her, that she misses him but then thinking of what he did bla bla..
  • Agjsdfd

    Chapter Closed.. time to move on

    Hello guys.
    So this is the last blog I will be writing, related to my "love" relationship.

    Once again I will summarize the story briefly..

    I have been in relationship with a girl, who had an EX and kept breaking up and getting back with him in the last 2-3 years before she met me. After we got together, nothing happened till June, where he popped up in her life and she was confused.. kept going back and forth. But at the end of that phase, she was with me. Now start of October, she meets him again and aparantly it was a "blur" in her mind once more..

    That guy is a proper player and she knows pretty much everything about him, yet being in-denial.. saying "what he did or said doesnt matter, I know he is a good guy".

    Back in June when she broke up, she kept contact with me and didnt wanna leave me completely.. but this time since start of October she is being extremely harsh and holds pretty much everything against me.

    As in:
    I am too depressing,
    I am too negative,
    I give big lectures,
    bla bla

    We didnt actually face any issues during the time we were together, but ya.. now shes holding all that against me all of the sudden. For more details, read my other blogs :).

    NOW.. its been a week since I last spoke to her. Our last conversation:

    Me: Dont worry about anything.. I hope you are happy.
    Her: I am.. I honestly am. I am very happy these days.
    Me: Does love really change that quickly for you?
    Her: I dont know if I ever loved you, or felt bad and just suited myself into a loved relationship.
    Me: LOL.. do you have our chat logs, just try to think for a second instead of giving brainless statements. You loved me. Written in past-tence.
    Her: Hmm.. move on. Even if I break up with him, I will never be with you. Dont wait for me. He will never be gone from my life, that has been proven.

    So ya.. kind of crossed the limits of my patience.. I really love her. I know how much of a big change she brings upon me..

    but anyways.

    Chapter closed :).
  • Agjsdfd

    Big boys dont cry in love?

    Hey guys.. so here is the link to my previous blog and what happend in the past: Here The Other Blog

    I will summarize, my girlfriend had an EX and when he popped up back in her life she got all confused and was going back and forth with me.

    Now the new ending..

    A lot has happened since then, we got very far and BIG LIFE TIME situations that i dont want to bring up. Such as police, getting arrested for private reasons..
    Even after all the police case, and big changes(in bad way) in her life, she didnt break up with me ever since the last time we got back together.
    But yesterday, she says:
    "I cant anymore.. you are 'abnormal'. You dont love me, you are just obsessed... its a disorder not love"
    And so she breaks up with me..

    Its not just a tennie love or stupid crush.. I love her more than everything, but she is being really harsh on me and isnt willing to give me any chance at all. The thing is, she started talking to her EX now, saying just "friends".

    I am 19.. been crying a lot since yesterday.. and my mom is here to support me. It may sound very unmanly, but I cant stop crying..

    I dont know the odds of getting back with her, but always i was the one paying high costs and went through hell, yet kept up with her. I still dont wanna give up on her. She is no emotinal support to me at all, but I love her :(

    What should I do...
  • Agjsdfd

    Love Triangle? Not really

    Hey guys,
    I am in a bit of a situation here...

    Me and my girlfriend know each other for 5 months and are together for 2 months now..

    Her ex, she was with him for 2 years and he broke her trust SEVERAL times yet she kept going back to him. The last time it was major so she left him for sure...
    Long time passed and then she met me.. we were fine and everything was going smooth till her EX contacted her back..

    All the sudden she was all confused... "believed" him that he loves her.. BUT everyone, including her cousins, friends and her EX's friends know that he is just messing around.. she knows all the shit he has done yet confused what to do.

    Now 1 second she goes to me "i love you", next second "I dont know what to do..."

    I really love her and I cant let it be. She texts me like 1-2 times a day. I never start the conversation... but I dont know what to do..

    I want her back.. and she wants me too, but doesnt know what to do because she was waaaay too attached to her EX and it kinda returned..

    Shes a conservative MUSLIM girl, so definetely not slutty or anything...

    Any advice on what I can do...

    I am really dying inside.
  • Agjsdfd

    Gamebygame is awsome :)

    So I recieved my CycloDS Evo today :).
    Ordered it on the 6th evening, was shipped on the same day and arrived today in the morning.(Note: not express delivery).

    (And I am still waiting for my AK2i(initially ordered AK2 they dont have it in stock so sent me AK2i without charges :)), iTouch2, and R4 clone which I ordered from a chinese site long ago...)

    The cyclo was nicely packaged and took no damage on the tin box.

    I would recommend people to buy from GamebyGame. Specially US members, as shipping is free to the US.

    (So still waiting for my Ak2i and others to arrive for complete collection of flashcarts :P )
  • Agjsdfd

    Cant believe it..

    Oh well... I gues i do complain alot about posting/delivery services...

    But here it goes:

    My package which went to "US" from china by mistake(aparantly) arrived in the UK.
    Then it went to nearest depot after some time. I Called parcelforce(EMS partner for UK) up this morning, they apologized for everything happend, and guarenteed that it will be delivered today. Me was very happy.

    It was a very sunny day, and I was in my front garden(access to house, ONLY WAY TO MY HOUSE), helping my dad with the car and garden(from 3:30-6PM). Then I came inside the house took shower. Turned on my laptop and tracked my parcel. Gues what says?:

    WTF! I called them up again, they said I wasnt home...

    Are you fucking kidding me... thats fucking annyoning now.
    Checked on google, and found out I am not the only one who had this sorta problem with parcelforce.

    Now they are telling me to pick up at post office promptly at 8:30, as it might be sent away to depot again to rearrange delivery for monday.

    I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF! If they came, first of all they would leave a card. But how the hell can they leave a card, I was at the front garden...
  • Agjsdfd

    AS/A-Level examz..

    So anyone else doing AS examz?

    I had Stats last week. It was OK. Biology yesterday, and it was FANTASTIC!!
    Now I have chemistry tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

    I got my last exam on friday, Maths C1 and C2.

    So far my opinion about A-level differs from almost everyone. Everyone said that A-level is hard and blah blah... I think its not hard at all. You have to listen what the teachers say in the class room and perhaps spend time going through the classwork at home. I really enjoyed the year. I had enough time to socialize with my friends. I am doing 4 A-levels by the way:
    Biology, chemistry, maths and sociology. I was advised to do Sociology for extra UCAS points because its suppose to be "easy". And I personally find it the hardest...

    Side question, I need money. Is it wrong to use my girlfriends money? Actually, I dont want to borrow, I just need some money during the holidays...
  • Agjsdfd


    Yooooooo, its snowing.
    Colleges and schools are closed in london.
    Most probably tomorrow aswell :)

    CHEERS GUYS :moogle:

    and oh, no public transport :(
    and basically i am stuck home...
  • Agjsdfd

    My special, unique talen = nothing...

    Alright I thought through that.
    There has been a Talent show in my college. I wasnt botherd about it, as my friends saw that as a joke.
    Now I have been thinking... whats my talent!!!!? I am OK in almost everything, but what am I special at? = nothing :unsure: :( ?