Thanks

[mthrnite]

Emo Mode Engaged:

On halloween this year, my wife told me she was leaving me. I didn't see it coming. We've been together 9 years and married for 7. We have two kids (2 & 4 yrs.) She found another man that's "just like her" and she's suddenly realized she's been dissatisfied with the marriage for years, and doesn't love me anymore.

I am devastated. It all seems like a very, very bad dream.

The joy has gone out of damn near everything in my life. Even my greatest source, my kids, when they make me smile, they also remind me I'll only be seeing them half as much from now on.

I'm a stay at home dad. My wife works and I keep kids and house. I'm seeing all too well what many women experience when the are left by their husbands. Powerlessness. I don't have very much education and while my wife has been climbing the company ladder and filling her resume, I've been changing diapers, cleaning toilets and cooking. Job skills these are not. I'm having to start over pretty much from scratch, with 100 percent more responsibilities than when I left the workforce.

Life is sucking pretty goddamn hard. I am determined though, to turn and face the sun.
My barn has burnt down, but now I can see the moon. That's what I keep telling myself anyway.

This is one of the only places right now that can actually yank a smile out of me. I've found a friend or two on here as well, and I need 'em now. I've been so involved in "mothering" that I don't have much of a social life.

So, thanks guys and gals, for being a little piece of driftwood in a roaring, angry ocean.

Emo Mode Disengaged:

-mother out-

 

[safariman72]

Sorry to hear that mate, but your kids will keep you strong and give you something to look forward too.

Look at it this way, to get someone to do all the chores you did wont be cheap.

Keep your head up

 

[PiNa]

Hi there,

I am sorry for your loss mate, but time will heal your soul and heart - that's for sure.

BTW: How old are you?

I have a friend who have three kids and his wife was cheating on him after 7 years of marriage.
He was really devastated. But it took him one year after their divorce to get almost recovered.
But right now he has a new girlfriend and is lucky again.

Dont give up. Try to keep your chin up.

PiNa

BTW: dont know why but when you were writing about your "job" I saw Lynnete's Tom from Desperate Housewives :-)

 

[lagman]

Emo Mode Disengaged

I like that my friend

I really hope this work as a catharsis, so you can keep moving in this dirtie road we call live

 

[Harsky]

Sorry to hear about it. How are the kids handling it? Is it going to be the whole, "mommy and daddy won't be living together anymore" explanation? Reminds me of the skit where they have to explain divorce to a kid and it ends with, "we just want you to know..... it's all your fault". My parents were once on the verge of divorce at one stage and had an arguement so big that it still scares me to this day. They're still together but I wonder what makes them stay together

 

[mthrnite]

I'm 42, my wife just turned 30 this year.
...and I guess you could say I'm a desperate housewife, synchrocity strikes again!

I know there'll be a brighter day, and that this may be a turning point for the better in my life, but right now that's hard to see because of the swirling darkness all around.

..and yes Safariman, I don't think she knows what she's getting into with the kids, part of my duties have been to keep them out of her hair to a certain extent. I hope she can rise to it for their sakes. As worried as I am for me, it all goes quadruple for them. She's in love right now though and I think it's blinding her to what the future will be like for both them and her. I've been trying to tell her we can change our circumstances, and get family therapy and try to fix the problems, but she's having none of it. She's tired of me, of her job (which she quit) and tired of the house and even the city we live in. She's moving approx. 3 hours away to live with her mom until she can get on her feet again. I don't have any idea where her new relationship will take her after that. I hope he's a decent guy, I still love her and as freaking odd as it sounds, I still want her to be happy.

Harsky: The kids have no clue, they're too young to get it. We'll have to see how it affects them when she's gone at the end of the month. My mom & dad stayed together on my account and it was pretty rough all around. My wife and I never fought that much though, and though life was kinda boring, it was never harsh. She says it'll be best for the kids this way and they'll be fine, and eventually have a much happier mom. Her parents divorced early in her childhood, and she says she turned out fine and I shouldn't be worried. Hope she's right.

laguerzinho: You know I'm trying, and I know you're thinking about me. One day we'll be on top of a pyramid my friend! Literally and figuratively!

 

[5uck3rpunch]

mthrnite, I know I only know you from these forums, but when I read your 1st post in this thread I was sick to my stomach & heartbroken for you. I'm 36 & have been there, done that & know the BLACK DARKNESS of feelings that you have right now.

My 1st wife did the same thing to me out of the blue. I thought all was fine & she did the same thing. We had just moved to Texas, it was the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death & my younger brother was leaning on me HARD (he was suicidal) for support due to my mom's death. Then the wife drops that same bomb on me.

I had no friends or family here in Texas & I had to get out ASAP (I left her everything due to my mind being blown) & find a place to live. I was supporting myself by a bad/low paying job. What a mess. The ONLY good thing was that we didn't have any children yet.

Keep positive, and I know that is not easy. Stay BUSY - do not sit around & mull over things. You didn't do anything wrong (from what it sounds like) - it's all her. I really don't think women really ever know what they want & seem to never really be happy. You WILL get past all this & THERE WILL BE BETTER DAYS. You will heal over time, but it will take a while. THINGS WILL BE NORMAL AGAIN. Believe me. I am now remarried & happy again.

If you need ANYTHING or if there is ANYTHING I can do for you, PM me & I can give you my personal email address and/or cell phone number if you need to talk.

You are one of the MOST fun people on GBATemp & ALWAYS positive. You ALWAYS give me something to laugh about AND something to always think about. CONTACT ME IF YOU NEED TO. I'm not too far in Dallas, TX.

Stay positive brother & hang in there. Things will get better.

(Sorry for the long post peeps)

 

[mthrnite]

Thanks 5uck3rpunch for your perspective and hope and kindness. Very strange thing we have in common. Halloween was the 1 year anniversary of my mom's death too. I was very down that day, and having my mom die on Halloween was a bit of a twister in the first place, so many skeletons and tombstones, and dead leaves (used to be my fave holiday.) Then this bolt from the blue. Just a bad dream. I know many people have it worse than I do, probably a lot of folks on this board in fact, but just as all politics are local, all pain is local too. So again, thank you, and be sure I'll call on you if I'm on the brink.

 

[Deleted User]

Hey there,

so, that's the reason for your Emo-Mode signature, mmh?! I just wanted to let you know that I'm feeling really sorry for you mthrnite! I enjoy reading your (sometimes hilarious) posts in this great community and it makes me glad that all of us can give something back to you!

As PiNa already said, please, don't give up on you and your future! I hope it ends well and that you soon will feel the energy of life again, though it maybe not as easy to get to this point as we all wish it were.

My best wishes fly out to you and your kids!

 

[jumpman17]

My aunt had the same thing happen to her. She was married and had 2 kids but the husband left her to be with someone prettier. She quickly remarried though but unfortunately, it was a quick decision and it was the wrong man and they divorced real quick. She's been through a lot but she's an awesome aunt and she made everything work out.

 

[Tri-Z]

I'm very sorry for your loss, and hopefully alimony will keep you going so that you can continue to be a stay at home dad. "Her quiting her job will probably put a delay on that though, but atleast she will have something hanging over her head to remind her of a terrible mistake that she has made".

Hopefully time will heal your pain.

 

[Mucuna]

We can't avoid deception and suffering in life. That's a fact.

Another fact is that you will feel a lot better as the time flows.

You may cry and fear the unknow. It's normal. Just keep moving and you will be refreshened. You know that.

Maybe you knowing that you are not the first nor the last that pass throug it, you feel lighter.

Think a way out of it!;-)

 

[kingeightsix]

mother, i know what you feeling... that's how i felt when my ex cheated on me. i don't know about the children thing but it's a similar feeling, man.

look on the bright side, she's cutting you so you won't have to endure this pain and you can heal faster.

my buddy & one of my ex's (brother & sister) have parents who are currently still living under the same roof and the father knows that the mother is with another man yet he still puts up with it all. he asked for a divorce but she wouldn't sign the papers and she just creeps around all day & night. she's putting him through hell just because she can't let go of either one of the 2 worlds she's in. now, that's a bitch move. i heard there's more to the story but shit, man... just divorce and let the man live his life. the kids are old enough to be on their own & they can see them anytime they want... i just wanted the man to be able to find a new love and be happy.

i don't know what point i was trying to prove but just hang in there and before you know it, you'll find yourself with a handful of grapes.

just coz you're a home dawg doesn't mean you can't change your wasy and head out there to hunt, you know? i'm on house arrest and i was stressing over my ex in here for a while... when i was out it was about 6 months of stressing... and when i came in here it was 2 more months of stressing (but those 2 months of pain are prolonged by the time feeling endless in between these walls).

I DEMAND YOU GET OUT THERE, GET DRUNK, ACT LIKE A LITTLE HOPELESS FAGGOT FOR A WHILE... THEN REALIZE YOU CAN DO SOMETHING, PICK YOURSELF UP AND STAND ON YOUR OWN 2 FEET AGAIN. YOU WILL DO THIS. LIFE IS SHORT, MAN... STRIVE WITH DILIGENCE.

 

[mthrnite]

Takeshi: Thank you, it's funny that I see this board as a kind of second family, as an example, when Ray or whatever that Pshock bastard's name was was bashing you the other day, I just wanted to clock him good and tell him "Hey, you messin' with one of my boys you sonofabitch!" (I tried to keep it civil though.) I'm not saying thank you to all of you people lightly, and not trying to start a pity party or anything. I really do appreciate the community here.

Jumpman: After seeing my wife jump into a relationship so quick (she's only known the guy for less than a month) I'll refrain from being as quick to get into something else myself. I'm gonna have to go back to school (comm. tech. college) soon and hopefully I'll meet someone to lighten my days, but be sure I am not going to turn this into any more of a maelstrom for my boys than it already is by doing rash things.

Mike: At first my wife's attitude was "no child support, no alimony" but I think she's beginning to see the light of reality now, and we're talking about it. She thought initially when I mentioned those things that I was trying to seek revenge. I'm not. I just want an opportunity to give my boys as much of a quality life as she'll be able to. Equality is what I'm striving for in the settlement, and it's gonna take me a while to reach what she's able to attain now financially.

Mucuna: I have a saying in my house. Time heals all wounds, and wounds all heels. I'm juggling so many ideas of what I'll do with my life. My current aim is to first get my high school diploma equivalent, and then learn PHP and Actionscript, learn web design and have something that I can work at home with. Things are still blurry for me right now, and I'm just brainstorming, but I'm trying my best to think my way out of it.

kingeightsix:

I don't drink but at times like this I could go for a martooni or 2!

 

[OrR]

When I picked this up in some other thread I thought you were joking...

I can't really help you or anything but just try to stay awesome. Life can be a bit crappy at times but don't let that get you down because it always gets better again.

 

[Bitbyte]

Strength man, I know you'll get there! Let's hope you meet someone at college, but yeah, you should eventually be able to get over it. The community is indeed awesome, lotsa support from here

.

 

[lagman]

BTW, Fried God was with Penn Jillette last week, it was SO funny

 

[Veho]

Hang in there, man.

 

[mthrnite]

BTW, Fried God was with Penn Jillette last week, it was SO funnyÂ

one day, and I'm not kidding!

bitbyte, veho, OrR, thanks, I've always heard there was honor among thieves, but now I know there's solace among pirates.
(not that you guys are pirates or anything, but you are among them

)

 

[Hitto]

Eh, shame to see you're going through such hard times, man...

My advice? Let her take care of your kids for a while and take a vacation. Spend some money. Do some soul-searching. Spend a week or two without any *responsibilities*, it'll help the blues go away much faster.
And don't get ANY second thoughts about it. She forsake her responsibilities and let you and your (and her) kids down on a whim! It's time for you to treat yourself, before you think about moving on, because you need to change your mind, right now.

Don't focus on hating your ex, or thinking about her. Try to find reasonable reasons for why she might have grown bored with you, or if maybe you let yourself "slip" into "boring everyday yourself" unconsciously.

I know my ex left me because I was growing less and less in love with her, but couldn't break her heart by leaving her. It was very cowardly, I admit it, but I just couldn't leave her "like that", so I was more and more of a bastard everyday. (According to her. I just wasn't willing to go that deep into religion for her, or any woman on this planet, really.)

Sometimes, the problem - and solutions - come from within.

Now, reach for the bottom and bounce back to the top!