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A Journey into GBATemp Cringe
- Thread starter Foxi4
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That you still think the 'I'm really feeling it!" Meme is funny, then this are your dark hours.
The fact that people still think Xenoblade is actually good is a great indicator that we are all in our dark hours, we're just not feeling it - the boredom made us numb. ;O;
Xenoblade is extremly good. Just the meme is shitty. The 3ds version of Xenoblade is trash, but the Wii version is outstanding
Yeah in the real game he almost never even says "I'M REALLY FEELING IT!" and the 3ds has alot of sound cracks and pixel discolouring + blur.
I like the monado memes more.........
Xenoblade is a terrible game with poor pacing, no player direction, stock cardboard cut-out characters, large expanses of an "open" world filled with nothing and a predictible token plot. It stands out in no areas whatsoever and is only considered a classic because the Wii had nothing else in the genre to offer. Played it for 4 hours before falling asleep, my fiancee was not as resilient, she fell asleep some time after the "tutorial". So yeah, it sucks the big one. :^)
Gaur plains is the worst part of the game and I guess it takes a different type of person to play through it.
my advice is to go nothing but movement and attack speed gems. XD
Ohohohohoho if you think the plot of Xenoblade os predictable you're soooo wrong ohoho. Play it for longer not just 4 hours.
I think he tried doing the colony 9 side quests........well the story is "predictable" <---------you gotta play through tephra cave to understand this joke.
I get that a game has to warm up, but I'm sick and tired of the "play it until the Xth hour, then it becomes fun" line of defense. Why isn't it fun *now*? Why is it wasting 40 hours of my time before getting anywhere? And yes, the plot is predictible, I can find that out by reading a 15-minute summary of it without wasting a 100 hours of my life on something that just isn't fun.
you read a 15 minute summary of the game so now it is predictable?
Then you ruined the entire game for yourself......did you get through tephra cave?
Yeah, Xenoblade is fairly garbage. The twist after tephra cave is a little shocking, sure, but frankly the game just returns to its normal button-mashing fetch-questing monotony. The combat isn't engaging. There are way too many possible attacks, skills, etc that it becomes completely impractical amd nearly impossible to do anything but mash buttons. People will talk about the huge open world the game has, but the world is bare, filled with only enemies and a few collectibles in most areas. I don't understand what about the game makes everyone think it's the best game in the world.
No, the game is is predictible and reading the summary confirms that suspicion.
Let me indulge you a little bit and allow you to jump into my cynical, analytical brain of a game reviewer for a few minutes - by doing so I will effectively explain why everyone who likes this game is a dildo. This is exactly what's going through my head as I recall my experience with the game.
Here's the first few hours of the Xenoblade Yawnicles in a nutshell. The movie starts with lengthy exposition about the history of this world and the battle between the bio-thing and mecha-thing. This is important because it will have no bearing on what you'll be doing and could be wholely omitted since the introductory cutscene explains the situation anyways. Once something finally happens, huge-ass robots attack a settlement. We see our heroes accompanied by the scrawniest, dodgiest-looking fucker on the planet. You immediately know that he's going to betray them, so in order to subvert your expectations he does so 5 minutes later rather than immediately. Mind you, you haven't even started playing the game yet. This scene is supposed to make you feel something - I don't know what because I don't know or care about these characters, this is the first time I've ever seen them. My emotional attachment to the cast equals zero as a result, so the cowardly act of betrayal has no impact on me. It is inconsequential though as the fleeing Obvious Asshole Dude is immediately killed by the Mechonis anyways, making the whole introduction of this character a pointless exercise in frustration - he might as well not have been there. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves though - first we get a chit-chat about Dunban being the saviour of humanity with a kick-ass sword that's capable of destroying the robots, however the sword saps his life force when he activates it and, naturally, only he can use it because of plot convenience. He is weakened, so using the Magic Maguffin Sword might actually kill him, but he bravely does so anyways. I think to myself - "okay, so he's Jesus-man, sacrificing himself to save humanity. I'll refer to him as such from now on". Trope character, but it's cool and inoffensive to my sensibilities. Jesus-man then proceeds to kick ass in cool battles with cool enemies - great, I'm feeling it. The conflict continues and Jesus-man is victorious, but fatally "injured", I guess. Now I think "well, that's the end of the game then - they lost the ability to use the only weapon capable of destroying the robots, now the robots will come and kill everyone". That doesn't happen though because the robot army is apparently led by General Stupid, alternatively because nobody knows what's happening in this plot at any point in time - hint, it's always "nothing". This concludes the prologue.
A year passes and we see Jesus-man resting at his home with his sister bringing him some food. This character is introduced because the players need something to jerk off to while the game tries to start. Jesus-man tells his Obvious Love Interest For The Protagonist to bring some food to the lab because our future excuse for a main character might be hungry. From this point onwards instead of carrying on with the "saving the world" business we take control of a scrawny little teenage shit called Shulk. Typical, this is going to be another "from zero to hero" story - standard JRPG trope. Yay? I'm supposed to play as this whiny little prick? Instead of Jesus-man, who was actually cool? Do I have to? Okay. I'm already incensed, but I carry on. Sulking Shulk meets up with his friend Giant With a Golden Heart/Comic Relief. The first thing Reyn does is fuck things up with the Maguffin Sword, establishing his role as the Knuckles of this group - a brawny dumbass. Shennanigans of no consequence ensue - Shulk has to do "things" because someone needs to introduce the player to the town. Soon enough the Scooby Doo gang goes to a cave to join Love Interest since even a loser like Sulk needs to get his dick wet sometimes. This concludes chapter 1.
While the kids are fucking about, the robots finally come up with the idea that they could've killed everyone throughout the year of Jesus-man's incapacitation and perhaps attacking now would make sense. Jesus-man gets out of bed despite his injuries and attempts to save the town once more for two reasons - because he's cool as fuck and because nobody gave him the memo that he's not the protagonist anymore. He tries to use the Magic Maguffin Sword, but is too weak to do so. The fate of humanity is in Sulk's hands all of a sudden, God help us all. He picks up the sword and finds out that he can use its power, establishing himself as the character that'll ruin the game from now on. Shame that we already knew that as he's the protagonist and it comes as no surprise whatsoever. This is somehow shocking to everyone, prompting Jesus-man to turn into Yoda-Jesus One Kenobi, because someone has to train young Sulk Skywalker in the ways of the force. As such, Dildo Baggins passes on the Magic Maguffin to Sulk Skywalker, because it's a video game and something ought to happen in it soon. At this point you've been playing the game for two hours and nothing has pushed the plot forward yet, so Fiora gets killed during the defense of the town because she got confused and mistook this game for Final Fantasy 7, thus she played the role of Aeris and died for no reason despite forward warning to give Sulk some motivation and a reason to be depressed and angsty. He does just that and much to my disappointment wins the fight against the Big Bad instead of dying there and then. The battle is won, yay. This concludes chapter 2.
In the beginning of chapter 3 Sulk and the Fellowship of the Maguffin finally go on a merry adventure of killing defenseless rabbits, which seems to be their favourite pass time. Enemies worth facing, considering the fact that we spent the last two hours killing cool as shit mechs as an infinitely more interesting character. I begin following the arrow that's supposed to lead me to the next objective, killing rabbits on the way for about an hour, getting stuck in the environment several times before turning back since apparently I took the wrong path, I was going the wrong way all this time and found a mech in a lake instead of whatever the fuck I was supposed to find. I'm a bit sleepy and the idea of going to bed is infinitely more alluring to me than continuing to play the game, so I'm out. The next day I feel no desire to continue, so I delete the game from my HDD. I feel cheated despite pirating the game because I've wasted valuable bandwidth. I want a refund.
Did I miss anything? ;O;
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