Lilith Valentine So those following my blogs, they may have noticed that I haven't been having a fun time with my life. So recently I've been taking steps to treat the wounds that have been open for far too long. Everything from the little details to issues that are years old now and should have been taken care of then. I don't want to get into the bigger issues because honestly they are just a bit much and I need to work on those at my own speed. Making them public only adds urgency to them, which isn't best for me or even for everyone in my life (this including the Temp.)
So few minor changes, obvious one being the one I made more than enough blog posts about. It's still one of those things though that cut the personal aspects out of my online life. Which also leads into the other changes I did, I turned off the notifications from tapatalk to my phone. I don't think people realize, but it's not uncommon for me to get well over 50 to 60 notifications within a day (sometimes more.) It's not that they are a bad thing, but having them all spam my phone made this place feel more like a job than something I did on my off time. It took something I used to walkaway from and made nonstop in my pocket. I was humorously considering setting up a patreon and being like,


Of course such an idea wouldn't fly, I mean what would I give for prizes? I guess I could spend a week praising a random project or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
All joking aside, it wasn't fun and I didn't like it anymore. It went from goofing off to work and I don't like work. So got rid of that part of my life. Then I followed it up by basically disabling all, but two services from notifying me, why? They aren't as active and made it easier to filter out the important stuff.
I know I could have stopped carrying my phone so much, but I work nights and walk to work, my launch, etc. So I kind of need my phone for both a light source (if needed) and in case of emergency. It's also my entertainment while on break, so that's important too.

The next thing I did was step back from testing. I doubt anyone outside of the devs I work with know this, but I've been nonstop testing projects for over 4 months now. Like I have taken very little breaks between projects. Which it's really nobody's fault on this one, there's been a lot going on these past 4 months. We've had 3 firmware updates, B9S launched, projects updating features, etc. So as soon as one thing was settled, something else came up, and it was back to work. I know damn well the devs are also extremely tired and deserve a break as well, it's been rough on all of us. But for me, I am not going to pretend like this hasn't effected me. Luckily July has been rather quiet and seems like everyone is settling down, I've taken some time to relax as well. I moved all unimportant testing to my nights off (and only when I am up for it.) If someone still needs me to test something for them, they can still trust that the tests will be done though. Important tests as of course always going to be done in a timely manor. If you are anyone I work with and this is your first time reading this, you know how to contact me. Also know that I love working anyone I have the pleasure to test a project for and I am willing to help no matter how big or small the project is. I like abusing my stuff, it's a reminder that they belong to me.

The last thing I've been trying to do is cut myself out of the scene drama. I don't care enough to be part of it and I like to refer to myself as a "mercenary." I work with people who send stuff to work with. I don't like to get attached to projects. I do enjoy making friends and I don't mind helping to the best of my ability to do so, but I honestly don't care enough to get involved with stupid shit anymore. Someone talk shit about me behind my back? I don't care, don't send it to me, don't get me involved. If they weren't even brave enough to send me a message over the internet, then I don't care to know them nor do I care to hear what they had said. Someone starting shit? Honestly I've just been reporting these messages if they actually violate the rules. I'm sorry, but it's not my place to deal with people's shit and we have rules for a reason. I just want to be here, make a few friends, help share my knowledge, make some people laugh, you know, be a good member. Sometimes I have bad days, sometimes I struggle, sometimes I even get overwhelmed. I've realized my faults and I've decided to start working on them.
In real life I've actually taken to be a lot more lax on things I didn't normally do. I've taken up offers for VTO at work, this has given me a little more bits of time through out the week to just sit down enjoy some youtube videos or a game. Not having my phone blowing up has allowed me to stop focusing on it so much and it's relaxing actually. It's nice having an actual distance between me and the internet as whole. I've also taken to asking for help when I need it. I know that's an odd one, but I've always been the kind of person who's very hesitant to ask for help, so actually stopping and admitting that I need help is something new for me. It's been something that has actually effected my health both mentally and physically. Now am more comfortable to admit when I am overwhelmed and I am not longer straining myself to overcome my issues. It's small stuff that builds up and that's what kills me really. The little things I am happily fixing because I know it will help me out when I finally start taking on the bigger issues.

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