So like... without going too into detail. I'm getting over a break up (from 2, almost 3 years ago) and since then I've tried dating, (couldn't. I had to tell people "I'm sorry. I can't do this." etc.).
Since she left I feel broken, depressed (like literally hopeless, and a literal and physical feeling of feeling dead inside. Like I'm trapped and I will never progress) and it's really caused me to feel reallly really... Eh.
I've been drinking way too much over the years because of this, and I almost find it unbearable to be sober because, I just feel hopeless and get this feeling of "impending doom". Meds haven't helped, therapy hadn't either. I've tried my best to let go of her, thought I even did for a while... I just can't. Life felt right when I was with her, and now, it just feels wrong... like... almost like, I want to be asleep all the time because being awake keeps me in a black hole of hopelessness. I can't explain it. Words seem very... well... not deep enough to convey how broken and dead inside I feel. I get women flirting with me all the time. Compliments, etc. and I still don't feel... good.
So like... anyone have any tips? At all? For working through SERIOUS (like, I mean SERIOUS. I was suicidal before after she left. That's how serious it is.) Chronic depression and the feeling of just... not living? Hopelessness?
I've read things like the Secret, self-help books, taken classes, therapy, meds, etc., and I dunno. It's like, I want to die, but I don't want to kill myself. Too scared, never would, against suicide, etc. but if I somehow were to die tomorrow, it'd feel more like a relief and peace to me. I've even caught myself daydreaming about being dead, and it brings a smile to my face. It's not so much that I want to be dead, but rather that I want this hopelessness, dread, and literal hell to end. And daydreaming about death is literally daydreaming about relief to me.
Anyway, any input would be great and appreciated. Thanks guys <3
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