I fucked a dragon
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So those following my blogs, they may have noticed that I haven't been having a fun time with my life. So recently I've been taking steps to treat the wounds that have been open for far too long. Everything from the little details to issues that are years old now and should have been taken care of then. I don't want to get into the bigger issues because honestly they are just a bit much and I need to work on those at my own speed. Making them public only adds urgency to them, which isn't best for me or even for everyone in my life (this including the Temp.)
So few minor changes, obvious one being the one I made more than enough blog posts about. It's still one of those things though that cut the personal aspects out of my online life. Which also leads into the other changes I did, I turned off the notifications from tapatalk to my phone. I don't think people realize, but it's not uncommon for me to get well over 50 to 60 notifications within a day (sometimes more.) It's not that they are a bad thing, but having them all spam my phone made this place feel more like a job than something I did on my off time. It took something I used to walkaway from and made nonstop in my pocket. I was humorously considering setting up a patreon and being like,
Of course such an idea wouldn't fly, I mean what would I give for prizes? I guess I could spend a week praising a random project or something. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
All joking aside, it wasn't fun and I didn't like it anymore. It went from goofing off to work and I don't like work. So got rid of that part of my life. Then I followed it up by basically disabling all, but two services from notifying me, why? They aren't as active and made it easier to filter out the important stuff.
I know I could have stopped carrying my phone so much, but I work nights and walk to work, my launch, etc. So I kind of need my phone for both a light source (if needed) and in case of emergency. It's also my entertainment while on break, so that's important too.
The next thing I did was step back from testing. I doubt anyone outside of the devs I work with know this, but I've been nonstop testing projects for over 4 months now. Like I have taken very little breaks between projects. Which it's really nobody's fault on this one, there's been a lot going on these past 4 months. We've had 3 firmware updates, B9S launched, projects updating features, etc. So as soon as one thing was settled, something else came up, and it was back to work. I know damn well the devs are also extremely tired and deserve a break as well, it's been rough on all of us. But for me, I am not going to pretend like this hasn't effected me. Luckily July has been rather quiet and seems like everyone is settling down, I've taken some time to relax as well. I moved all unimportant testing to my nights off (and only when I am up for it.) If someone still needs me to test something for them, they can still trust that the tests will be done though. Important tests as of course always going to be done in a timely manor. If you are anyone I work with and this is your first time reading this, you know how to contact me. Also know that I love working anyone I have the pleasure to test a project for and I am willing to help no matter how big or small the project is. I like abusing my stuff, it's a reminder that they belong to me.
The last thing I've been trying to do is cut myself out of the scene drama. I don't care enough to be part of it and I like to refer to myself as a "mercenary." I work with people who send stuff to work with. I don't like to get attached to projects. I do enjoy making friends and I don't mind helping to the best of my ability to do so, but I honestly don't care enough to get involved with stupid shit anymore. Someone talk shit about me behind my back? I don't care, don't send it to me, don't get me involved. If they weren't even brave enough to send me a message over the internet, then I don't care to know them nor do I care to hear what they had said. Someone starting shit? Honestly I've just been reporting these messages if they actually violate the rules. I'm sorry, but it's not my place to deal with people's shit and we have rules for a reason. I just want to be here, make a few friends, help share my knowledge, make some people laugh, you know, be a good member. Sometimes I have bad days, sometimes I struggle, sometimes I even get overwhelmed. I've realized my faults and I've decided to start working on them.
In real life I've actually taken to be a lot more lax on things I didn't normally do. I've taken up offers for VTO at work, this has given me a little more bits of time through out the week to just sit down enjoy some youtube videos or a game. Not having my phone blowing up has allowed me to stop focusing on it so much and it's relaxing actually. It's nice having an actual distance between me and the internet as whole. I've also taken to asking for help when I need it. I know that's an odd one, but I've always been the kind of person who's very hesitant to ask for help, so actually stopping and admitting that I need help is something new for me. It's been something that has actually effected my health both mentally and physically. Now am more comfortable to admit when I am overwhelmed and I am not longer straining myself to overcome my issues. It's small stuff that builds up and that's what kills me really. The little things I am happily fixing because I know it will help me out when I finally start taking on the bigger issues.
So my name has username has actually gone through several changes, "A Gay Little Cat Boy," "The Pink Catboy," "A Gay Little Catboy", "The Catboy," "Crystal the Glaceon," and finally (and hopefully staying,) Lilith Valentine.
The first ones where all my attempts to basically mask both my gender and sexuality because I wasn't comfortable with them. So I overcompensated with the username to leave no questions about my supposed gender/sexuality. The more comfortable with sexuality I became, the more that dropped off it, until it was simply "The Catboy." Then when I accepted both my gender and sexuality it was changed to "Crystal the Glaceon." Which was actually based off a satire character of mine and was suppose to be linked to a facebook page and a Tumblr. Sadly both fell through as I lost interest in them. There's really so much a person can invest in a character. I also didn't like how personal things were getting by including my real name in my account name, but by that point I had already changed my username here on the Temp and was kind of stuck with it.
This year though, it got a to be a bit much for me. I had some troubling years before that I was still recovering from. Having my real name so front and center was just making everything far too personal. So having found a new username, I just waited to see if it would stick. I changed my username on other sites and became to slowly phase out my old handle for a new one. Once I liked what I was seeing, I decided to have it finally changed where it mattered most, which of course is where it actually started.
I never really thought much about how much the username shows about the person. My first ones only showed someone trying to hide and uncomfortable with who they were. It shows that as the years passed, so did my fears. Looking back on it, I can tell just how much I've grown these past seven years. Years that the Temp has recorded for me. It's different looking back and seeing how refrained and afraid I was compared to who I am now.
DON'T UNFOLLOW! DON'T UNFOLLOW! THIS ISN'T A DEPRESSING BLOG THIS TIME! I PROMISE!
Obviously I've been going through some changes of late, but these aren't sudden changes, but they were behind the scene changes. One of the biggest changes (on this site at least) has been from Crystal the Glaceon to Lilith Valentine, to which I am sure many are wondering why? And also why Lilith? Well wonder no more because in this not depressing blog, I will tell you! (please don't unfollow)
So as many have noticed, my screen name is Lilith Valentine now. Why? Well because I've actually been meaning to change my screen name for over a year now, but didn't have anything good to settle on. I didn't want another Pokemon themed one (it was going to be Scarlet the Vulpix,) and I didn't want to go with Miko Bootstraps (my must used D&D character.) So I was left with the desire for change, but not the name. Until of course in January when Lilith Valentine came about from the Temp itself. From there I kind of sat on the idea of changing my name. I didn't know if Lilith would be accepted of if I would keep using her. I mean, she's like my 8 fursona by that point and most of the others didn't have art or were barely ever mentioned. So obviously I didn't want to rush into something and come 6 months down the road and be like, "heck." So I think 6 months of debating and developing a character is a fair amount of time. Coupled with the fact that I started using Lilith Valentine far more than Crystal the Glaceon, until I simply stopped registering under Crystal the Glaceon. Thus by this point it became safe to say, I wasn't going to keep an old name that I wasn't using anymore. Of course I didn't want to make a new account because;
1: Against the rules
2: Everyone would know it was me anyways or start spamming my account thinking I am an art thief .
Neither works out with the Temp. First one gets ya warned/banned and second one is petty drama...that will expose my account and result in it getting warned/banned. Thus I purposed to a name changed and the stars aliened to grant me my wish.
The second reason being that it's a screenname that was created by Tempers, with a character who was developed by Tempers. When I got Lilith as an adoptable back in January, I didn't know what to do with her. So I came up and an idea. I turned her into an experiment where I let the community decide almost everything about her, this community including the Temp and other sites. I let the artists have almost complete creative control over her (only minor details were stressed,) then I left it up to the community to what they enjoyed the most. I also even let the Temp name her
So this was the name picked by other Tempers. So this screenname started on the Temp and has now become a reality on the Temp. That's honestly pretty cool when you think about it.
Now what about the other details? Well @Bubsy Bobcat basically became the "Official" Artist and character design of Lilith. She took hold of Lilith and quickly started making art for her
To which her art has far more views and likes on every site I post on it on. So it became extremely obvious that Bubs was a favorite. Which is interesting because all of the personality she put into her art and behind Liltih was directly inspirited by my real personality. Bubs showed her as this lovable, goofy, slightly prevy, but adorable character. Which actually was really nice to see. Of course there are other artists who had their take on Lilith, but none more than Bub did.
Once again, another Temper behind this screen name. It's become pretty obvious that this experiment/character really became a success with the help of Temp. So it's an honor to use the name and character that my fellow Temper's helped create.
So in my blog entry, Meet Goat! I made mention that I am actually a Luciferian, which of course brought up the question of what I actually believe. So after a few days I've ponder this over, I've decided to make a blog for educational purposes. Just a heads up, I am going to be taking from my comments on that blog because I did put a lot information into those comments. Please, if you don't think you can handle this topic, just be civil. I am perfectly fine with being questioned and even fine with concerns for my "immortal soul." I just ask everyone to be civil.
So I've actually considered making a blog on the topic of my religion ideas for the sake of education. Both educating people on the ideas of The Left Hand Path and to really discuss different believes in a civil and understanding manor. Basically not as a means of trying to convert anyone, but as a means of educating people. Of course the only thing that prevented me from making such a blog are some select members, who I know will only comment on the blog to start a flame war until the whole thing gets shutdown. Which would just ruin the entire point of trying to make a civil educational blog post. It's rather unfortunate really because I think the vast majority of the Temp would actually really enjoy it, but they would also end up fanning the flames instead of just having a civil conversation. The blog section has become rather predicable.
Luciferianism is an Enlightenment driven religion, based on finding enlightenment through the teachings of Lucifer. Luciferianism is a nature driven religion. It's far less about self-worship and more about self-betterment. Luciferianism in most forms still see Lucifer as a figure of enlightenment and a teacher/guide down the Left Hand Path. Seeing him less as the symbol of Human Nature, but as a symbol of knowledge.
As for my actual believes, I am basically just a wanderer of the Left Hand Path. I do believe in a literal Lucifer, but not as a God though, but as a teacher. I see Lucifer as a guiding figure as I wonder my down the path and only there to give small nudges when I need them, but ultimately not some deity who is going to help give me a promotion or something stupid. He is a deity that only pushes for knowledge and self-betterment. My life's goal is progress and knowledge, in an effort to achieve enlightenment. I believe in finding enlightenment through knowledge, nature, and living every single day to the fullest. I believe that human nature should be embraced and not shunned or shamed (so long it's not hurting anyone or an animal and everyone involved is a willing/consenting adult.) I also believe that humans should be free without needless judgement. I don't believe my way is the right way for everyone or that their way is wrong. I simply follow the path that works best for me and has helped guide me this far during my journey in life.
Now of course how does Luciferianism differ from Satanism? While both of them are a lot of similar aspect, both believe in self-worship, both believe in enlightenment through art, nature, and science. That biggest differences being that Luciferianism is more a kin to Buddhism. Striving to find enlightenment through human nature and the teaching of Lucifer. It's more so a nature driven believe structure than it is a self-worshiping structure. Satanism is more closely related to Humanism. It strives more towards the goals of human nature and self-worship, while seeing Satan as an image of human nature.
I practice more along the lines of Luciferianism, but I still keep rules of Satanism as base guidelines. Basically Luciferianism is my religion, Satanism is my philosophy. This is actually one of the interesting aspect of the Left Hand Path, where believes aren't set in stone. The idea of mixing them together is perfectly acceptable and often encouraged. We believe that we wonder our own Path and if we need to make a new path, that's even better.
So what is Goat? Is a question I keep getting asked. While a Goat system is short for "sacrificial goat" which is actually a play on the term, "sacrificial lamb." It's basically an extra system I keep for basically everything that isn't gaming. Goat will be updated to the latest OFW to see if anything breaks, Goat is used for all CFW testing that is sent me, Goat is used to test out every new entrypoint, etc. Goat is basically on there to test and die if need be, so long as it keeps my main 3DS safe.
How did I come up with the term "Goat system?" It's actually something I didn't create, but it is some tongue-in-cheek mockery of my believes. First, it's actually a term a found lingering in few programming groups I am part of, although it was only used by a few people and wasn't wide spread. But I also started using it because I thought it was a funny nudge at my Left Hand Path believes. Being the stereotype that Satanists/Luciferians preform "Goat sacrifices." So I thought the idea of a nerdy Luciferian like myself having a video game system as a means of a "goat sacrifice" would actually be pretty funny. So after seeing the name tossed around once or twice, I quickly latched onto it and started using it here and there. Although recently with the banwave happening, I just had to introduce the term to the Temp. Mostly because saying, "Old3DS isn't banned," is just boring, but "Goat isn't banned," adds a lot more character to the report.
This is Goat
To those interested, Goat is always running the latest OFW and is running B9S with a private CFW installed on the CTRNAND. Besides being setup for the Nintendo Ban, it's also being used to test out the latest builds (both public and beta) of ReiNAND (currently.) Every CFW sent to me for testing purposes are tested on Goat before being tested on my main New3DS.
Closest I could get to a Goat theme
I feel like I should make a blog in light of recent events, but I am not a dog. I don't think I am a dog, I am not an "otherkin," and I don't take the furry fandom seriously nor do I give enough of a shit to do so.
That all being said, Crystal the Glaceon is a character of mine created to have some fun on the forums. I often use this character to give personality to my posts and make them stand out for a number of reasons, most of the time just for fun. I like to make people laugh or even just sit back in confusion. Whatever the effects, it's all meant to be fun and games. That has always been the point of adding a character behind my posts.
Please, don't take me so seriously. I am just trying to enjoy the site and maybe add some more personality to the forums.
Anyone remember my old Oreo DS? Doubt it! It's been like 5 years since that has been a thing! But today I bring you! The reverse-Oreo 3DS! I just swapped the plates of my 3DS with my boyfriend's 3DS.
Warning: Spoilers inside!Warning: Spoilers inside!Warning: Spoilers inside!
So before anyone call, "Clickbait!!!!!" first, this is my opinion based blog. Meaning that I am writing this not as a review, not behave of GBATemp, nor for any form of advertising. I am writing this blog based purely on my own personal opinions of Breath of the Wild, based on my own personal experiences in the game. This is not a review of the game, it's a ramble. I would also like to mention right at the start that I FUCKING LOVE THIS GAME! Seriously, I am not only still playing this game, but loving it. I would easily give this game a solid 12/10 if I didn't have so much to complain about. I am not making a ramble to review the game, but only express my thoughts on issues that effected my personal outlook on the game. OK, so the title is clickbait, but you get nothing for clicking on it other then reading my blog
With the disclaimer out of the way, let me start my little ramble to why I personally can't give this game a 10/10. So I am going to get some of the obvious points out of the way, weapon durability and framerate. Weapon durability sounds great on paper and does add some realism to the game. Except for the fact that most weapons might as well be made of cardboard. Some weapons just break if you stare at them for too long, which just isn't fun. But complaining about this issue is a dead horse, everyone's already beaten it and now I am just kicking a pile of bones. Same with FPS, everyone's talked about it, but I am still going to add my 2 cents. 90% of the game runs amazingly well, it's just parts of the game that I wish Nintendo worked a little harder on. Now this isn't completely Breath of the Wild's fault, Nintendo's extremely poor allocation of resources doesn't help either. The fact that 1/3 of the system's resources are being used by background garbage has always troubled me, because I know this is why so many games aren't coming to the Wii U. The Wii U already had meh hardware, but Nintendo's software did not make it any better. This is where the Wii U should have added a "MHM" like the 3DS did, so they could have shutdown some lesser used background functions in favor of running better game. So like I said, not completely BotW's fault, but it's still something Nintendo should have done for this game. Nintendo had plenty of time to iron out the FPS issues and there's excusing them for not doing so.
Now on to my other issues with game. First and foremost, horses are completely useless to me. They seem like a good idea, but they actually take away from the game for me. The fact that they can just auto-walk on paths isn't that bad, it makes going for a linear walk from one town to another a rather nice experience. That being said, that's all they are good for and actually trying to explore the wilderness with them is a painful experience. The horses actually control like real horses, which is both a bad and good thing. Good because it adds that little detail of realism to this game, bad because it adds too much realism and fighting my horse to go down a 2 foot ledge isn't fun. Seriously horses are like, "Slight elevation change? 3spooky5me!!" So my horses just sit in the stables 24/7, they just aren't worth carrying along with me if they aren't going to add anything to my exploration of the game. Now I have like 5 horses all named after famous horse furries that doing literally nothing.
You can't save images on the SD card and that just pisses me off to end. Why even have a camera if I can't save the images I took in game? This not only added a useless gimmick to the game, but a gimmick that I can't even use to make funny images with! I had this funny joke I was going to make with Purah about her being completely legal because she's 190 years old and that didn't happen! THANKS, OBAMA!
My other issue is Zelda's voice. The voice acting in this game is actually really good and I love almost all of the voices, their deliveries, everything. Except Zelda, why is she a whinny Brit? Seriously, why does she have a British accent and why is she so whiny? I am sitting here, trying to masturbate to enjoy her cutscenes and I just can't get over her voice. It's just off putting.
If I had to say anything positive about Zelda, she reminds of Princess Bubblegum from Adventure time. And this imageActual spoiler to the plot, you have been warned
Small gripe, Blood Moons also brings back the Guardians and Yiga Footsoldiers. I know it's a weird gripe, but those two really aren't same as the other enemies. The Guardians are just machines being controlled by Ganon, but ultimately aren't his actual minions. And Yiga Footsoldiers aren't his minions either, they are more like a cult around Ganon. So it just seems weird seeing them back after the blood moon. It's not too big a deal because I can get more parts for more weapons, something I fucking need because weapons break too easily!
My final issue isn't the game itself, it's Nintendo. The fact that I own the Wii U actually make it hard for me to want to buy the Switch version. Why? Because I can't transfer my save, which means all the hours both my boyfriend and I put into our own games, is completely tethered to the Wii U. This is fucking stupid being that there's nothing inherently different (beyond graphical differences,) between the two versions. There have been games in the past that allowed save transferring between systems. Monster Hunter 3 for example, allowed you to transfer your save from the 3DS version to the Wii U version and vise-versa. So it's completely possible for feature to have been added and it's just stupid that it wasn't added to this game.
Now of course this doesn't mean that I am not enjoying this game. In fact this is hands down the best Zelda game I have ever played. There are so many details to this game and standing on top of a tower is a breath taking experience. The game shows just how much you can push the Wii U's hardware limitations. Exploring isn't just fun, it's rewarding. No adventure feels old or stale. Every time I venture out into the world I am just blown away by how amazing the world is in this game. The story is actually worth playing and extremely engaging, making it enjoyable to unlock more of the game. But it also helps that this is an actual open world game and by that I mean you don't need to actually progress the story to explore the game. You aren't bond to the story nor story events to get anywhere. If you want to run from one end of the world to the other, you can do that. If you want to do random parts of the story completely out of order, you can do that. The game doesn't tether you and I fucking love that. Seriously, it's amazing how many "open world" games still tether exploration to story based events and I am glad Nintendo didn't do that. And of course, final bit of praise will be random screenshots. Not only is this amazing looking game, but I can't get over just how much I love these character designs and outfits (these are not own screenshots and were taken from Google.)
This is quite possibly one the best looking Wii U games and has the best designed characters, outfits, locations, everything.
Game gets a solid 8/10 for me. Those minor issues add up and really cut down on the score me. That doesn't make the game bad nor take away from the overall game, but they also can't be ignored
So as many people know, I stepped down from being a manager to work night shift in my store. And I have no regrets doing so.
Thus far the job is no where near as stressful compared to both being a manager and just simply working days in general. Because I am dealing less with customers, I am getting a lot more comfortable at my job and I actually enjoy going to work.
One of the biggest things to change for me is getting actual sleep. I used to have a seriously hard time sleeping at night. So I would often stay up until like 3 to 4 in the morning and then have to be in at like 7AM to open the department. This is why I used to try so hard to avoid opening shifts. That doesn't happen anymore. I am basically being paid to stay up all night, something I was already going to do for free. This has greatly helped improve my mood and overall life.
My boyfriends also both work days, so they aren't home all day. This means I sleep comfortably all day and get to spend a couple of hours with them before work. So I am in a better mood before stepping into work. Which has also helped them because I am no longer waking them up at 5 in the morning when I used to get ready for work.
It helps that reports have for the most part stopped being sent in about me. I used to get some regular being transgender or gender related. Of course my managers ignored them, but they were still something that happened on a fairly regular basis. Or I would get complaints that would be filled with extremely transphobic comments. Yeah, not fun. That has pretty much all stopped. At most I get one drunken red neck making a comment about me and that's like once every so often. So it's a lot more comfortable for me to be open when I don't have mouthbreathers trying to get me fired.
I would also like to note that these reports aren't that big a deal. My store sees about 300 to 500 customers every day, so the small number of them getting upset enough to report me isn't really that big a deal. I only brought it up because when an employee is reported, they have to look into it. Which means I often called to the back to talk about the reports and to make sure I was still following good customer service and all that stuff. Even if they didn't bring me to the back, they were still regular enough to be brought up to me as a concern. This wasn't that big a deal, but something that did hinder my work when dealing with it. I brought it because something that used to be regular no longer happens. That's actually something worth noting.
I also just get my work done. I am rarely dealing with customers because there are rarely customers in the store. So it's just my crew and myself working on Modulars all night. Which is great because I adore my team. It's just 6 of us and we work amazingly well together. It also helps that one of the people I work with is the former department manager of electronics. So he's actually the one who trained me to be a manager in the first place and we worked together for several years now.
Thus far I have nothing to really complain about with my spot. I am actually pretty content with this job. Hell last night I had to call in and I actually spent hours trying to prevent myself from calling in because I didn't want to. I actually enjoy working, even if it is for Wal*Mart, I am enjoying what I am doing. The job I wanted was a job where I go in, get my job done without bothering/being bothered by anyone and going home. That's what I am doing now and I am happy with that.
Overall, this is just the job I wanted to do. I am in the background doing my job, people don't notice me, and my job gets done. I also have more time with the people I love, which really helps me push me forward.
I actually got mine at launch in the US, but when will I ever have another time to share my N64? I also threw in my very first SNES. My family had a "family SNES" but this one in the picture was actually my personal SNES that I got for my birthday many eons ago.
And I threw in the old3DS I use to use and now use for testing purposes and my new3DS from Black Friday
Full name: Lilith Valentine
Nickname(s) or Alias: Lillie, Mommy Lilith
Gender: Transgender Female (pre-op)
Birthday: August 9th, 1991
City or town of birth: Facebook
Currently lives: Panties
Languages spoken: English and American English
Native language: American English
Relationship Status: Take
Hair colour: Pink and light pink
Hairstyle: Wavy and down.
Facial Hairstyle: None
Eye colour: Light Gold
Skin/fur/etc colour: Light tan with light brown patches. Perked up right ear and floppy left ear.
Tattoos: None, yet.
Piercings: None yet
Scars/distinguishing marks: No scars
Preferred style of clothing: Punk
Frequently worn jewellery/accessories: She wears a pentagram necklace
Recreational Drug User? Which? Weed~~
Allergies: Red meat
Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities: Might be insane
Any medication regularly taken: What are you, my doctor?
Personality: An overly hyper flirt
Dislikes: Windows and Bidoof
Fears/phobias: Nope, not sharing those
Favourite colour: I like colours
Hobbies: Being a slut, gaming, doing secret stuff
Taste in music: Black Metal
Talents/skills: Fast learner and knows a lot of about electronics
Ability to drive a car? Operate any other vehicles? I am dog, I shouldn't be allowed to drive.
Omnivore/Carnivore/Herbivore (Vegetarian): Vegetarian
Favourite food(s): Vegetarian tacos
Favourite drink(s): Monster
Disliked food(s): Pork
Disliked drink(s): cucumber lime anything.
Warning: Spoilers inside!
You know what I haven't done in forever? Made a blog about CFWs! So here's my little blog about why I use Corbenik! I love Corbenik so damn much. First of all, I admire the hell out of chaoskagami for not only making this project, but because he's an honest person who stuck to his guns. He set out to make an advanced, poweruser driven, dev friendly CFW, and damn it, he made it! He took helpful advice from the community and always made sure his CFW was tested. Even when a bug is found, it's almost immediately taken care and tested to ensure it was fixed. But more importantly to me, is his focus. He has a goal and has striven straight towards achieving that goal without buckling. He's blunt, honest, but still extremely kind, he's not afraid to speak his mind, but isn't rude about it. Not to mention doesn't hold your hand, he's helpful, but expects you to also help yourself. Encouraging users of his CFW to think and learn from it.
Corbenik reminds me so much of why I love homebrews so much and why I got into the hacking scene. Because it's a true work of art to me, it's complicated, it's interesting, and more importantly, it turned something as boring as a CFW into something fun. I haven't enjoyed hacking this much since my old DS hacking days, when I was testing out homebrew launchers for my flashcarts. Every update just brings something new and interesting, anything from small details to massive changes like a chainloader. It makes every nightly worth testing.
This is a project I am damn proud that I supported at the start and even more proud to say is my main and only CFW/Bootloader. I know there's great things about the other CFWs and trust me, I've tried them all (I was running 6 of them,) but this one is just the best for me. It does everything I want and more. It's a great project that actually made me go out and learn about the things it was doing. I actually studied and enjoyed studying to know more about this CFW. And I am so happy that I did that, because that was the reason I came here, to learn and Corbenik has helped me do that. It's not the CFW for everyone, but it's damn well the CFW for me.
So as followers of my blog may know, I became a manager over the summer and then put in to step down a few months later. It took like a month and a half for me to finally step down, but on Sunday, I officially started my spot on 3rd Shift. I still have the same pay, full-time, and benefits from this step down, so it wasn't a bad move on my end. But more importantly the job is a lot less stressful compared to being a manager.
Being a manager is a lot harder than it looks. It's a lot paperwork, organization, and mental/physical commitment. Everyday for me was crunch time and everyday was just stress. I not only had a very limited time to finish my work, but I also had to oversee everything and everyone in my departments. I had to make sure everything done, otherwise I was the one who suffered for it. I could never enjoy a day off because if something went wrong, I was the one who was punished for it. Someone went late to their lunch? My fault because I didn't plan for that the day before. Something is lost? My fault for not having it ready when it came in the night I was off. Worst of all, I had split days off, which was shitty. It meant that if I did nothing one day, that was a waste of a day. If I did too much, I was tired the next day. I could never win. And being on call, meant that I was always dealing with issues, even over facebook. I couldn't escape my job, it just kept following me.
This much stress was having horrible results on my overall health. I was dealing with horrible stress dreams, headaches, and always ill because I couldn't take a break. More often than not, I would wake up from panic attacks because of the stress. Which killed my sleeping and only added to the problems I was dealing with. And lack of sleep only caused me to become worse at my job, until I ended up with 2 coachings in one night. Which made me realize that this job was fucking horrible. It wasn't worth the amount of stress I was being put through. It wasn't worth being pressured and feeling worthless. It was like being an abusive relationship and I wanted out.
So I finally put in to step down and finally got my spot on Mod Change Team for nights. 2 nights into the job and the stress dreams stopped, followed by the stress headache. I've also slowed down my drinking, I have entire fridge full of alcohol and I still haven't drank it because I don't feel like it. I've been 4 days into the job and my panic attacks have stopped and I am sleep a full day's rest. It's like night and day compared to when I started to what I am doing now. I am so happy I got coached, because if that didn't happen, I won't have realize just how much I hated my job. Or I would have quit instead. Sometimes something good can come out of something horrible.
Something I am often asked (mostly in private) is why do I have so many depressing blogs? Well the truth be told, it's because I use my blog as a means of venting and getting thoughts out of my head. Something I never talk much about is the fact that I do have depression and I am bipolar. I go through some pretty extreme phases of depression from time to time and it's really hard to get control over with my stressful job. But I found simply getting those thoughts out there and just throwing them at a blog helps a lot. It helps get them out of my head and helps really ease my episodes because the thoughts that were dragging me down are now put elsewhere.
I trust this community because I've spent years on here and know that I can vent these thoughts. I know this community is made up of great people, even if there some buttheads. In all honesty though, these blogs aren't really made for the community. They are made for me. At the same time it also gives a little peak into my mind and let the community really see what makes up who I am. Sometimes it just helps to let the community know that not everything is perfect with me. That I can have struggles and that I do have issues of my own to work though. Sometimes I feel like people often forget that there is another person behind the screen and they too have their personal live's to deal with. Which often is major push for these blogs. To show people that I am another person and that I also have my own problems. Which in turn actually helps me because it brings me back and helps me really look deeper at the problems. Seeing the words out of my mind and out in the open helps me take a step back to look them. Doing this allows me to become the outsider to my own mind. It helps me realize that I am a person and that I can tough through anything. It helps me fight against myself.
That's why I make these blogs because they help me. And in turn, they help the community see a little bit more of me.
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