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Posted by Prophet - 24-02-09 21:40 - 17 comments - Read - Edit
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 | To Forgive
| I was contacted by my father yesterday. First time I heard from him in 7 years. Let me give a brief abstract of our relationship:- He's a drug addict.
- My mother kicked him out when I was 2
- All the memories I have of him end with his disappearance as he spirals back into addiction.
- This pattern has repeated 4 or 5 times my entire life and equates to the extent our relationship.
- He's kind of a pompous asshole.
- The last time we met he was living in a half-way house and had the nerve to insist that I would have been raised better had he been there during my life. I condescendingly agreed and then added "If you had been here, maybe I'd be in a half-way house too by now"
- I regretted that, he fell off the wagon soon after and I blamed myself for pushing him over the edge.
So, here I am again. Do I play it super-supportive? Do I ignore him? Do I hold him accountable? Do I forgive? |
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Read 752 times - last 17 by comment |
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Posted by Prophet - 06-08-08 07:16 - 3 comments - Read - Edit
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| | Of Sanity and Shame
| So, it's 1:15AM. I'm about to down my night time prescription cocktail. 250Mg of Seroquel, 40mg Lexapro. Which equates to 5 pills. Why not 2? God only knows... Sometimes I think they want to see how many pills they can split 2 medications into before I freak out. But I digress.
Well I'm sitting here reading through the forums and I'm thinking how many tempers are in the same boat as me. It's a fleeting thought, because I'd rather not ask and in the process out my self as the “crazy.” That's harsh I know, and that's what spurs me to give it further thought. Before I know it I'm stuck contemplating two logics, somewhere between Blake's “Shame is pride's cloak” and Pascal's “The only shame is to have none”. Then I wonder if maybe there's some temper who thinks themselves “crazy” because they take pills to maintain in a less than sane world and maybe they are far less forgiving of self transgressions.
So, this is it: bare. Hi, I take medications for insomnia, obsessive compulsive disorder and last but not least: mild psychosis. In addition to the 250Mg of Seroquel and 40mg Lexapro that I take at night, I am greeted by a bit of Wellbutrin in the morning, a pick-me-up if you will. My life resembles a roller coaster of sorts, for months I can function at near genius levels. 3.8 GPA, Honor classes, offers to study abroad, awards and so on and so fourth. But relapse is never too far off, I crumble inward like a building being demolished. Some times this results in the changing of my medications. I never play around with that gradual reduction bullshit. If the doc says I need a switch then I go cold turkey. Withdrawal is in essence, suffering incarnate. I have came down off of medications cold turkey, that doctors have likened to the withdrawals felt from heroin. These are my worst weeks and months. I am paranoid, my blood itches (hard to explain), sometimes I hear voices and a darkness swells in my chest nearly uncontrollable. But I maintain. Then I rebuild. That's my life and without a doubt it will continue to be; a cycle of highs and lows strung together.
You may wonder if perhaps this is a joke, I assure you it is not. What preceded is my attempt to vanquish the part in me that says “no don't post that.” I believe that a man is only as genuine as his vanity will allow, so I present this as proof of concept. My hope is that it might resonate with someone else on the board, someone else who's closeted a part of themselves out of fear of being branded. |
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Posted by Prophet - 11-06-08 05:57 - 18 comments - Read - Edit
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| | Things I can't do
Becuase JPH say's so
| Things I can't do:
-- Post Pulitzer prize winning photo's to support a point, that others have validated and agreed with. http://gbatemp.net/index.php?showtopic=89967
-- State my opinion, on the removal of said image. http://gbatemp.net/index.php?showtopic=901...p;#entry1199776
-- Speak openly and express myself as if we are all adults.
-- Agree that the original post might have been a bit unrefined and attempt to outline my premise.
-- Insinuate that Urza's N*gger comment from two months ago was far more offensive than a world renowned photo. http://gbatemp.net/index.php?showtopic=77949
-- Expect people to read and derive meaning from words.
-- Function within the boundries of the rules stated here http://gbatemp.net/?act=module&module=blogs
-- Expect this statement to hold true (from the blog rules) ... Freedom of speech however is a key component so your opinions, no matter what they may be, will not be policed.
-- Make lists about the things I can't do?
JPH, there are only two ways this can end. You can ban me and pretend like I deserve it for simply opening a discussion about the removal of the photo. Or you can maybe talk to me like I'm more then a quick button press from being silenced. Keep in mind I haven't said anything out of the way to you nor did I ask for a response, I just stated my opinion on the matter in a blog entry. Had you not acted so uncouth and closed the topic with your gestapo like commentary, well then we wouldn't have a problem. Unfortunately, your whole topic closing comments are so flawed and senseless that you've forced my hand...
JPH says: "...If you want to rant about how kids should stop moaning about crappy games - do it in your blog or somewhere else."
Now to anyone who's been watching this unfold, you've pretty much just gave them proof that you have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not sure if you're confused or what but... I never sayed anything about crappy games or people moaning about them. Is this all a misunderstanding? The comment you're talking about came from bob evil...
QUOTE(Bob Evil @ Jun 9 2008, 06:16 PM)  You people are idiots ... you call yourselves gamers yet have no concept of how the games industry runs and functions ...
Every time a game you don't want gets released, you act like no-one could possibly want it ... not every has your tastes ... we all like different things ...
And one of you monkys always has to declare doom and gloom upon the <insert console name here> every time they see a game they don't want ...
Take you uninformed negativity, and make a gag for yourselves with it.
My post was independent of his. No connection whatsoever. Moreover I like how you suggest I make a blog entry to rant, as if blog entries are personal soap boxes and yet you close my blog entry because it seemed to hurt your pride or something.
JPH says: "It's not right that you should make an entire topic arguing with a moderator about a trashed post. Topic Closed."
I'm not arguing with you mate, I'm publicly disagreeing and posing the question to my fellow tempers, "Was I wrong here?" A fair amount of the posters in the thread agreed with you; a few agreed with me. What I don't understand is what exactly was the danger of letting the thread take it's course. It wasn't a rant, it wasn't even mean; it was just in opposition to the policy. I never asked or pleaded in anyway for my post to be unblocked, I was simply holding a discussion on whether closures of this type were in fact fair and balanced.
I don't believe you are a small man, so I hope this is just a misunderstanding that we can both bear some blame for and move on. But it's your move... |
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Read 1,477 times - last 18 by comment |
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Posted by Prophet - 10-06-08 16:51 - 9 comments - Read - Edit
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| | Offensive?
Pulitzer prize winning photo deemed offensive by mods
| So, I'm looking over the DS release forum and I come across "#2346: 99 no Namida" I google it out of boredom and I come to find out its a game that attempts to make the player cry, with tear jerking scenarios/tales. My first thought is, aren't their enough real tragedies to cry about? In the world we live in do we really need fictional reason's to cry? So I wrote up a light hearted response displaying my point:
QUOTE(Prophet @ Jun 9 2008, 06:54 PM) PSA: I'm going to come to your house and bash your head in if I catch you crying over your DS.
Image removed due to complaints from users - JPH
There's a picture of a vulture waiting for a child to die so he can eat it. Crying?
Seriously, if I find someone crying over a sick kitten or some shit -- Bash.Head.In
Ok, maybe it wasn't too light hearted after all. But none the less I ran by the thread today and found my post gone. In it's place was the generic:
This post has been removed by a moderator.
Reason: Offensive Picture
Offensive picture, really? This 1994 Pulitzer Prize winning photo is offending the gbatemp community? The same photo that turned the worlds eye toward the Sudan famine... Offensive?  See, it isn't that the post was purged that bothers me, that's cool -- but I would have just appreciated a more astute reason. Like I would have respected:
This post has been removed by a moderator.
Reason: Offensive to our delicate sensibilities. We live in a box.
or even better
This post has been removed by a moderator.
Reason: Starving children are depressing, more lol catz.
Oh and my personal favorite would have been
This post has been removed by a moderator.
Reason: You're making us question if our own opulent wealth is worth the pandemic suffering it forces upon less fortunate nations... STOPS IT!!
But no, you went with the ole "Offensive Picture" routine and it's that lack of care that kind of peeves me. You could have been kind enough to examine the context of my post before you mashed the button.  Whatever, I'm not going to dwell; I'm too busy reading this thread http://gbatemp.net/index.php?showtopic=77949
I just got to the part where Urza say's:
QUOTE(Urza @ Mar 10 2008, 10:24 PM) The Sidekick is a toy phone for niggers and high school females.
That's just hilarious. Though, I must admit that at first I felt a bit offended... but after I scanned the post for pictures of starving children and came up empty, I realized it wasn't offensive at all -- it was TEH FUNNEYZ!1!! |
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